Grover
10-16-2002, 02:19 PM
This one's funny! Brighten the day on Wednesday. Don't get offended, these jokes are older than you are!
> Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage
>
> 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
> little beverage, then comes good food and companionship.
> She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
>
> 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario
> and mine is in Tucson.
>
> 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her
> way back.
>
> 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
> anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
> she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
>
> 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
>
> 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and
> electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many
> gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an
> electric chair.
>
> 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
> there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car
> was, she told me, "In the Lake."
>
> 8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
> the mud fell off.
>
> 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
> late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
>
> 10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of
> divorce.
>
> 11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with
> marriage.
>
> 12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first
> name was Always.
>
> 13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't
> like to interrupt her.
>
> 14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's
> on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
>
>
> Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage
>
> 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
> little beverage, then comes good food and companionship.
> She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
>
> 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario
> and mine is in Tucson.
>
> 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her
> way back.
>
> 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
> anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
> she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
>
> 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
>
> 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and
> electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many
> gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an
> electric chair.
>
> 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
> there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car
> was, she told me, "In the Lake."
>
> 8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
> the mud fell off.
>
> 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
> late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
>
> 10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of
> divorce.
>
> 11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with
> marriage.
>
> 12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first
> name was Always.
>
> 13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't
> like to interrupt her.
>
> 14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's
> on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
>
>