Vernon Hills Grand Prix
Got to the race around 7am. Got myself registered and then took a shit. Made sure to wipe real good so I don't leave any skid stains on the chamois. About to go warm up and of course my stupid ass friend shows up then wastes my time because this fool is not only late but never prepared for shit. How do you unfriend someone you've been friends with all your life? Get maybe 10 minutes of warm up and get to the grid late and my boy get's to the grid right before the race kicks off and complains how about he didn't get to pre ride the "track". I say the fuck are you talking about? This ain't motorcycle racing, what fucking course do you need to learn at 30mph? Race starts and fools take off the front and I just soft pedal and feel things out in the back. It's a fucking mess. Muffuckas are all over the place. Even worse than usual. I decide to stay in the inside the entire race as everyone is drifting way wide in every corner running into each other and checking up. Bunch of weak homos get dropped and then I feel it's time for me to get up front. That lasts about half a lap as the stupid fucks wants to pull onto the straight so their fat girlfriends can see they are leading the race. 3 laps to go and me and my boy move up to about 10th. At the penultimate lap, stupid fucks crash. We get by unscathed and get ready for the last lap surge. It's about 10 of us up front through the 2nd to last corner before the long sweeping right that leads into the final straight. I'm all hold it hold it. Don't jump yet and before I could finish my thought everyone jumps and of course I play catch up with no one to draft and run out of legs about 20 meters before the finish and coast in for 5th. Whatever. 25mph average for 35min. Longest Cat 5 race to date.
My goal for this race is to finish with the main pack so I can cat up. Race starts and the pace is high right away but it's manageable. My legs are feeling way better than it did in the 5 race. We're starting to hit lappers at about the half way mark. They seemed to be strung out all over the course. One lapper actually starts to pedal hard as we're going by him and I look over at him and tell him to relax. I later learned that he's autistic and not all there. Anyway, 41 minutes goes by without a single incident and I'm feeling good. I thought maybe I'd make my way up and at least see if I have any legs for a sprint but on the penultimate lap just as we're picking up speed coming onto the front straight for the last time, dreadlocks collides with a rider next to him and falls down collecting what seemed like everyone around him. I veer to the left to avoid running over him but he ends up in that direction and I lock up both brakes and slide sideways and hit him which tosses me into the stem. Then there is another bike just to the left of me that I try to avoid and by this time, I'm too far forward on the bike and over the bars I go onto the curb. 2 sprained fingers, 1 sprained wrist, bruised knee, bruised calf, bruised shoulder, and 1 knuckle ground down to the bone. Nice. A big fat DNF! 25.4 mph average.
<---- Useless Mufugga