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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 03-19-2010, 10:03 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: plainfield, il
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Location: plainfield, il
Sportbike: 02cbr954rr/01busa
Years Riding: long enough
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thought i should share

QANTAS AIRWAYS



After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanic s about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ Pilots (marked with a “P”) and the solutions recorded (marked with an “S”) by maintenance engineers.

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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

===

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

===

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

===

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

===

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

===

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

===

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

===

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.

===

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

===

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

===

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

===

P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

===

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


===

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

===

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took the hammer away from the midget.
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 03-19-2010, 10:26 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Middleburg, Florida
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I work with locomotives and we write up reports. We get similar responses. Here are a few I remember writing off the top of my head.

Engineer: Ice box is loose. Needs a nut to secure it.
MIC: Removed ice box.

Engineer: engineer seat is loose but no serious problem because it is comfortable.
MIC: Now you get it.

Engineer: Front snow plow has human remains on it from hitting a tresspasser.
MIC: Rain is expected this evening.

Engineer: L6 and R6 wheels are smaller than the other ones on the locomotive.
MIC: as engine is used, they will wear down.
(Wont they all wear down? )

Engineer: Toilet needs servicing. It is past the full line.
MIC: Unit moved to rear of consist, and not to be used as a leader.
(it takes 3 minutes to dump waste from a locomotive, versus possibly hours to move it around in the consist.)
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