Men's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 09:45 AM Thread Starter
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Men's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

Men's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house ...... mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit ...... shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:
________________________________________
In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register..
________________________________________
In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
________________________________________

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
________________________________________
In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it says,

'I Got Worms .'
________________________________________

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
________________________________________

In your 70's:
?
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
________________________________________

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
________________________________________

In your 90's & beyond:

What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

Greg

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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 09:52 AM
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Dammit according to this I'm already in my 50's

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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:11 AM
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WTF.....this is way off.
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:11 AM
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This must have been written in the 70s by a person who had kids at 19.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:25 AM
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I don't give a shit what I wear to the store. As long as it has pockets for my wallet and keys I'm good to go.

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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:26 AM
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Yep...I'm already in my 50's I guess.

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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook View Post
I don't give a shit what I wear to the store. As long as it has pockets for my wallet and keys I'm good to go.
agreed

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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook View Post
I don't give a shit what I wear to the store. As long as it has pockets for my wallet and keys I'm good to go.
Sooo nekkid with your man bag...
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:34 AM
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I'm with Vcook on this but I've also never seen no hot young thang at Home Depot.

<---- Useless Mufugga
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chunk View Post
I'm with Vcook on this but I've also never seen no hot young thang at Home Depot.
I have, menards too. Summer help is often kids on college break. That being said I still don't care what I look like. 95% of the people shopping there actually look WORSE than me and I show up looking like hell. It's not a fashion show.

Chris
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chunk View Post
I'm with Vcook on this but I've also never seen no hot young thang at Home Depot.
Oddly enough, the Menards by my house has a ton of high school and college aged hotties who work their registers. Always found it odd that Menards had tons of 'em, vs Lowes or Home Depot. Or maybe they're just smarter that way...
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bek View Post
Oddly enough, the Menards by my house has a ton of high school and college aged hotties who work their registers. Always found it odd that Menards had tons of 'em, vs Lowes or Home Depot. Or maybe they're just smarter that way...
maybe that creepy old dude in the menards commercial is luring them bitches to his store with promises of fortunes before seen by the twinkiling eyes of a young bitch.

<---- Useless Mufugga
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 10:53 AM
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I used to work at Menards. Hotties everywhere.

I'm in my 50's too according to that.

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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 11:02 AM
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In the 40's .

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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 05-04-2010, 11:18 AM
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in the 50's. Maybe its because of shit like this that I keep getting mail for AARP.
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