men VS women - Chicagoland Sportbikes
Chicagoland Sportbikes
 
The Funny Papers got some funny stuff? Make us laugh.

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-23-2010, 06:49 PM Thread Starter
U-P-G-R-A-Y-E-D-D
 
FiReBReTHa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Aurora, IL
Posts: 11,172
Location: Aurora, IL
Sportbike: 04 GSXR6
Years Riding: 2
How you found us: I thought it was a line for muffins
           
Send a message via AIM to FiReBReTHa
men VS women

1. NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


2. EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


3. MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


4. BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar
of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


5. ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


6. CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


7. FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


8. SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


9. MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman
expecting that she won't change and she does.


10. DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


11. NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


12. OFFSPRING

Ah, children.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.



just an old school funny i figured id post before deleting the email.
FiReBReTHa is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-23-2010, 07:15 PM
Registered User
 
under200's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: norridge, IL
Posts: 5,837
Location: norridge, IL
Sportbike: 2009 Triumph Street Triple R, 2011 Triumph Bonneville SE
Years Riding: 11
How you found us: web search
           
Quote:
9. MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman
expecting that she won't change and she does.


Another reason never to marry, they always change.

Under200
under200 is offline  
post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-23-2010, 07:54 PM
Irony helps us play!
 
Arch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: N'ville
Posts: 29,510
Location: N'ville
Sportbike: 2000 F4
Years Riding: Long enough to know better
How you found us: some hot MILF whispered it in my ear
           
Dang, those are good... a lil too true

Everyone Exaggerates

We're being taken for a ride... agaaaaaaain.....


Best Auto/Moto Insurance | Motorcycle Protection Today | FREE Trade-In Quote
Arch is offline  
post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-24-2010, 09:38 AM
:D i rides again!!!
 
coyotee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: up north der eh
Posts: 513
Location: up north der eh
Sportbike: R6
Years Riding: the R6? a few years now
How you found us: Sea Biscut
           
Send a message via MSN to coyotee Send a message via Yahoo to coyotee
and people wonder why i havnt gotten married...
coyotee is offline  
post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-24-2010, 10:04 AM
Paul - Semi Old and Slow
 
pjrocco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Aurora, IL
Posts: 733
Location: Aurora, IL
Sportbike: 2009 Honda CBR600RR
Years Riding: Since 2000
How you found us: google
           
Quote:
Originally Posted by under200 View Post

Another reason never to marry, they always change.
Ain't that the truth! Something I know all too well.
pjrocco is offline  
post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-24-2010, 10:10 AM
Si Vis Pacem Parabellum
 
SmartDrug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Bartlett
Posts: 11,410
Location: Bartlett
Sportbike: 955i Speed Triple, 100AE Road King, AP1 Honda S2000
Years Riding: 1/3rd of my life.
How you found us: Cave Johnson
           
lulz

Brian
NESBA #22
الكافرة مع بندقية سوداء
Si vis pacem parabellum

Quote:
Yeah, I quit doing blow, not being rad!
SmartDrug is offline  
post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-29-2010, 01:21 AM
Don't argue, you'll lose
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: City
Posts: 1,100
Location: City
Sportbike: NA
Years Riding: NA
How you found us: Na
           
Quote:

2. EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
That is too true, I very rarely carry cash unless I will be going out and I know it. but when I do, the money I have is gone that day, I hate carrying cash around, the quicker it's gone the better, otherwise I'll find another female to spend it on
Kerosene is offline  
post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-29-2010, 02:04 AM
The Benchwarmer
 
Village Idiot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Chicago
Posts: 14,580
Location: Chicago
Sportbike: Ninja
Years Riding: Long
How you found us: Dong
           
these are pretty lame

Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest - Denis Diderot
Village Idiot is offline  
post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-29-2010, 08:08 AM
he who is absent foreskin
 
Loki047's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Northshore - Deerfield
Posts: 5,704
Location: Northshore - Deerfield
Sportbike: Z1000
Years Riding: 3 years
How you found us: Search Engine
           
Send a message via AIM to Loki047
men VS women

Quote:
Originally Posted by burntash
these are pretty lame
I know it's hard to see the inherent mental differences from Internet porn, but when you spend more than a week with a woman (who's not your mom) I think you'll get it.

Jordan
Loki047 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Chicagoland Sportbikes forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome