I got jokes! - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-23-2010, 07:25 PM Thread Starter
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I got jokes!

Read a few gems today, still chuckling about them

Quote:
There was once a boy who, on his 12th birthday, was asked what he wanted. Since his family was well to do, he was told he could ask for anything. So, the young boy replies, "A pink ping pong ball." "Is that all?" His father asks, and the child replies yes. The child is very excited to receive his pink ping pong ball and retreats to his room. Over the next few days, they never see the pink ping pong ball again. The parents just shrug it off as a passing fad. The year comes and goes, and soon the boys 13th birthday arrives. Again, he was asks what he wanted. "10 pink ping pong balls." "Are you sure?" "Yes." So the father dutifully buys his son 10 pink ping pong balls. The child takes them and dashes up to his room again, not coming out till morning. And just like last time, the parents never see the ping pong balls again.

Fast forward to the sons 14th birthday. The parents again ask what the young man wants for his birthday. A Wii? A bicycle? Perhaps a pony? "100 pink ping pong balls." "OK..." Says the surprised father. And so, he gives his child 100 pink ping pong balls. And like last time, he darts to his room, and is not seen again until morning, with no sign of the pink ping pong balls ever again.

The seasons change, and soon his 15th birthday is here. The parents, not surprised by any answer this time, ask, "What would you like for your birthday?" "1000 pink ping pong balls." He retorts quickly. And again, the parents do what they can to give their child a wonderful birthday. And again, when the young man gets his 1000 pink ping pong balls, he bolts to his room, and is not seen till morning.

16th birthday. The young man beats his parents to the punch and asks, "Can I have 10,000 pink ping pong balls? Thanks!" and heads off to school. "I've cleaned his room honey, and I don't know what he does with those ping pong balls." says the mom. "Well, he's a young man now, and we should respect his privacy." Says the father. So just like the previous years, the father gifts his son pink ping pong balls. 10,000 of them.

The young man is now a senior is high school. He has dated. He has tried his first alcohol. He is growing up. His father, hoping to bequeath his son a new car, asks what he would like for his 17th birthday. "well, I was thinking" Says the son, "How about 100,000 pink ping pong balls." The father, who by now was almost expecting this answer, smiles a big smile. "Sure thing son!" For the father was elated for not 6 months before he had purchased stock in a pink ping pong ball factory. Might as well make some money, right? The next day, a pallet of 100,000 pink ping pong balls is waiting for the son. He unpacks and takes them straight to his room. Dawn arrives, and the son emerges, no sign of the pink ping pong balls.

Graduation time. the son has moved on to his own place. He returns home for his 18th birthday weekend. "So, pink ping pong balls for your birthday?" "Yup. 1,000,000 of them." The father, having already made a lot of money off of his sons pink ping pong ball fetish, charters a dump truck and has 1,000,000 pink ping pong balls delivered to his sons residence. And like many birthdays before this one, the boy marches upstairs, and is not seen until the next day.

A few days before his 19th birthday, the son gets a phone call. "Hi, this is Joey JoeJoe Junior Shabadoo from the Acme Pink Ping Pong Ball Company calling to confirm an order of 10,000,000 pink ping pong balls to be delivered to 9764 Jeopardy Lane." "Oh, my parents must have guessed what I wanted for my birthday. Sweet!" He thinks. "Yup, that's the address." He phones his parents and thanks them for the most wonderful birthday present. Upon reaching home, he takes his many pink ping pong balls and goes upstairs till morning.

20th birthday rolls around. The son, starting to do well at his work, call from the office. "Sorry mom and dad, I can't make it over for my birthday this year." The father again asks, hoping for a huge windfall from the sale, "What would you like us to send?" "I know it's a hassle, but I would love to have 100,000,000 pink ping pong balls for my birthday." "You got it son!" Yells the father, and he charters a supertanker filled with pink ping pong balls for his son. It takes the young man a few hours, but he finally gets them all home, and is again not seen till sunrise the next day.

The young mans 21st birthday is finally here. But alas, tragedy has struck the family. The young man, the scion of the family, has fallen gravely ill, and may not make the night. The parents, nestled by his hospital bed, ask, "Is there anything that we can get you?" And the son musters enough strength to answer, "Just a package of 6 pink ping pong tennis balls." And the son dozes off. Well, the father tears like a bat out off hell straight to the pink ping pong ball factory, which he is now owner of. He yoinks a pack of pink ping pong balls off the assembly line and rushes back to the hospital. He sets them on the nightstand, and shortly after is informed that they have to leave for the night, but may return in a few hours after some tests are run.

When the parents return early the next day, the pink ping pong balls are gone. The father, perplexed by this, finally decides to ask the son. "My son. I've always respected you privacy, but i must -must! - know where those pink ping pong balls go?" The son, wanting to be obedient, agrees to tell him. He looks up to him, with a twinkle in his eyes, gives him a kind smile and says, "Well...I" -- and then he died.

Quote:
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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-23-2010, 07:27 PM Thread Starter
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This one is pretty good too!

Quote:
It's business as usual for a bartender, and one day as he is cleaning his bar when an unusual customer walks in. The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limo parked outside. Furthermore, the man has an orange for a head.

The customer sits down at the bar and orders everyone a drink. He pays for it from a roll of hundreds and manages to get the attention of every woman in the joint, despite having an orange for a head.

The bartender is not a man to pry, but he feels compelled to ask about this man's life.

"Excuse me," says the bartender, "I can't help but notice that you're obviously fabulously wealthy and irresistable to women, but you have an orange for a head. How did that happen?"

So the man told his story.

"A while back, when I was penniless, I was walking along the beach and saw an old lamp, half buried in the sand. I picked it up and gave it a clean, and POOF! out popped a genie. The genie explained that he had been trapped in that lamp for two hundred years, and that he was so grateful to me for freeing him that he would give me three wishes.

"For my first wish I asked for an unlimited fortune. The genie said 'It is done!' and from then on, whenever I needed money, it was there.

"For my second wish I asked for the attention of all the most beautiful women in the world. The genie said it was done, and since then I have been able to get any woman I wanted.

"For my third wish -- and, this is the bit where I kinda fucked up -- I asked for an orange for a head."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Noodles View Post
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-23-2010, 08:30 PM
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fail.

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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-23-2010, 08:53 PM
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i herd that first one 20 years ago.
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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-23-2010, 09:04 PM
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must've got those jokes from Korea
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-23-2010, 09:44 PM
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Look, my sense of humor is different than most...but even so, those aren't even jokes. They're just stories with no endings.

The joke's on me for reading them I guess.

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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-23-2010, 09:59 PM
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A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. As the bartender is pouring his drink, he sees a 50 gallon fish tank filled with $20 bills. Perplexed he asks the bartender..

"What's up with all the money in the tank?"

Bartender replies, "We have an ongoing bet for any customer. There is a horse out back, and if you get him to laugh, you win all the money."

The customer grins a bit, hands the bartender a $20, and walks out back. 30 seconds later he returns, and as the door swings open, the bartender sees the horse rolling on the ground laughing like a hyena. Dumbfounded, the bartender hands the customer the fish tank, who then leaves without saying a word..... just that silly little grin.

2 Months later, the same customer walks into the bar again, with a heavy tan, hawaiian shirt, and shorts. Again, the fish tank is filled with money as the man sips his drink.

He asks the bartender one more time "Whats up with all the money in the tank?"

Bartender replies, "Well after you won the last bet, we came up with a new one...... If you make the horse cry, you win all the money."

With a little grin, the man hands the bartender a $20, and walks out back. 30 seconds later, he returns and the bartender can hear the horse's sobs even through the heavy wooden door.

Dumbfounded the bartender slides the fish bowl of money to the stranger. As the customer packs his pockets full of money, the bartender asks....

"Son, you made the horse laugh, when no one else could. And you made him cry today after so many tried........... what's your secret?"

The customer shrugs and with a silly grin replies "To make him laugh, I told him I had a bigger dick than him. To make him cry..... I proved it."
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-23-2010, 10:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ride. View Post
Look, my sense of humor is different than most...but even so, those aren't even jokes. They're just stories with no endings.

The joke's on me for reading them I guess.
same here

Quote:
That rug really tied the room together.
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-23-2010, 10:43 PM
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to the OP: WAT?
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-24-2010, 08:43 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ride. View Post
Look, my sense of humor is different than most...but even so, those aren't even jokes. They're just stories with no endings.

The joke's on me for reading them I guess.

Quote:
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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-24-2010, 09:10 AM

 
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a machinist calls his wife and tells her I cut my finger off.She asks the whole finger?

the man replies no the one next to it.

Gus
We offer three kinds of service @ Resurrection
GOOD - CHEAP - FAST
You can pick any two
GOOD service CHEAP won't be FAST
GOOD service FAST won't be CHEAP
FAST service CHEAP won't be GOOD
and cold beer.

I'd love to help but I don't chase parts.
Please contact other forum members and supporters for parts.
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-28-2010, 03:05 AM
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^^^^

It was you,wasn't it?


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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-28-2010, 03:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Noodles View Post
Read a few gems today, still chuckling about them
Wholey crap, "The Purple Ping Pong Ball Joke!"

I've been telling that one for years. I once spent an hour and a half telling that joke in detail, while on a car trip. The end is the best!!! Hahahahaha

!!!!!!!(.)(.)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!). (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!( y )!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Garage
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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 09-28-2010, 04:25 AM
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The version I know has the father buying a motorcycle for college graduation before asking what the son wants. The son says thank, but I really wanted a million PurplePingPongBalls. The father says ok and the son can have the bike too.

After a year goes by, the son hasn't ridden the motorcycle. The father asks why the son hasn't ridden the bike. The son says that he has nowhere to go on it. Well the father said "exactly! Thats the best part, riding with nowhere to go. C'mon son, lets take her for a spin."

The father takes them to the country side and the son, on the back, is looking around with a newfound amazment at all the barns. (You know the kid is thinking how many PurplePingPongBalls could fit in those barns.) SMASH!!! They suddenly get sideswiped by a dumptruck. Amazingly, the father is OK, a few bumps and brueses, but OK. The Son is in very bad shape though.

At the hospital, the father apologizes repeatedly for making his son get on the bike and offer to do anything the son wishes. The son asks for just one, Purple-Ping-Pong-Ball. The father rushes to the factory, and grabs the finest PurplePingPongBall out of the display case and hurries back to the hospital.

A tear slowly trickles down the sons face when he sees the PurplePingPongBall in his fathers hand. The father, as he is placing the PurplePingPongBall in his sons hands, is summoned by the Doctor. Upon returning into the room, the father does not see the PurplePingPongBall. The father says to his son " Son, I just gotta know. What do you do with all the PurplePingPongBalls?" The Son reply's, "Dad, I... I... I......... Then-he-dies.

!!!!!!!(.)(.)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!). (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!( y )!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-14-2010, 09:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by resurrection View Post
a machinist calls his wife and tells her I cut my finger off.She asks the whole finger?

the man replies no the one next to it.
Hahaha I love this joke!
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post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-15-2010, 12:52 PM
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Ultimate fail! Fuggin GHEY!

DO YOU WANT TO BE A BETTER DIRT OR MX RIDER OR LEARN TO RIDE DIRT?


CLICK THE LINK!


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post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-15-2010, 03:11 PM
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A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

Greg

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post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-15-2010, 03:11 PM
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I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?"

"Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in Park?"

Greg

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post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-15-2010, 03:12 PM
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The Baptist & The Texas Cowboy...

A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Greg

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post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-15-2010, 03:13 PM
Greg
 
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Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her
extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence..

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Harold, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Harold (and several others) that every one seeing it there
WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING!

Harold, a man of few words,
stared at her for a moment and
just turned and walked away.
He didn't explain, defend or deny.
He said nothing.

Later that evening, Harold quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house...walked home. . .and left it there all night.

Greg

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post #21 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-15-2010, 04:05 PM
he who is absent foreskin
 
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I love the orange head one. That is my new joke
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post #22 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-15-2010, 04:40 PM
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we should round up a posse, find noodles, and cave in his whole face.ha

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