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post #1 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 01:07 PM Thread Starter
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http://www.theonion.com/articles/the...oning-w,18165/

There Was Definitely A Point During That Stoning Where We All Thought, 'Is This Weird?'
BY DANUSH ZANJANI
EXECUTIONER, IRANIAN SUPREME COURT
SEPTEMBER 28, 2010 | ISSUE 46•39

Well, that settles that! It was hard work, but we have righteously meted out the punishment this woman brought upon herself, and her days of disgracing the republic are over. Another adulteress has learned, stone by stone, that crimes against God will not go unanswered.

Yes, sir, another job well done.

Funny thing, though: There was actually this one point, after we'd been pelting her in the head with stones for a few minutes, when I could almost swear we all sort of paused, considered the whole situation for a moment, and thought, "Wait—is this a little weird?"

You know, what we were doing to this woman. Kind of odd?

It started out routinely enough. We bound her hands, swaddled her in white sackcloth, buried her in a pit up to her breasts, the usual deal. I picked out a stone about the size of a kiwi, which was perfect, because Iranian law duly requires us to hurl stones that are large enough to inflict damage, but not so large they kill the condemned too quickly.

But then, all of a sudden—and I can't exactly put my finger on why—I wondered if it wasn't maybe a teensy bit strange to be throwing a rock with all my might at the head of a woman who couldn't defend herself, even if she clearly deserved it.

It wasn't just me, either. Javed, who's always one of the most gung-ho guys out there, made eye contact with me for a second, as if to say, "Are we actually doing this? Like, to a person?"

Come to think of it, quite a few of the guys were acting just a little, I don't know, weirded out or something. Behrouz seemed to be stalling—he mumbled something about needing another minute and bent down to pantomime retying his boots, which were clearly already laced up. And at the same moment, Farzad was patting the pockets of his uniform, pretending to search for his keys or whatever, but you could tell he was thinking the same thing the rest of us were.

Bizarre, huh?

I'd actually be willing to bet that if we all could have stepped outside our bodies and watched ourselves, we would have said something like, "So, why are these people using blunt-force trauma to slowly kill a woman accused of adultery? I wonder what that's all about!"

It's almost as if, for those few seconds, we all believed that if we distracted ourselves long enough, they'd have to cancel the execution, and maybe that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world? Does that make sense?

Don't get me wrong, the case was solid: Four male witnesses attested to having viewed the woman's heinous infidelity. While she claimed the four witnesses were actually her rapists, it was certain, either way, that she had engaged in sexual contact outside her marriage.

Still, I have to admit, the whole thing felt a bit off. It had to be done, unquestionably, but it just felt…off.

In accordance with Iranian law, the four witnesses to the crime threw the first stones. The adulteress had been quite stoic up until that point, but when the first stone hit her in the shoulder, she started to scream, and as blood seeped into the white cloth around her, I began to suspect all this might actually be sort of—well, I'm not sure how to put this, but, backward?

Which is weird because we've had civilization here for thousands of years. Iran today is a modern, educated country, I'm a member of an elite security force, and here I am holding a rock—a rock—in my hand. Like, that's just sort of peculiar in a way when you think about it, right?

I mean, right?

So anyway, after a stone hit the woman squarely on the bridge of her nose, I suddenly, out of nowhere—and this is the oddest thing—I actually found myself imagining how that would feel. What would it feel like to know other stones were coming but never know from where, and to realize the impact of one of those stones would be the last thing you felt before you finally slumped to the dirt in your sackcloth cocoon?

She still had a pulse after 45 minutes of stoning, and we had to pelt her for another 20 before she was dead. I looked around at the other men, but now we were all avoiding eye contact. It was almost as if we had done something wrong and didn't want to acknowledge it. Everyone seemed kind of dazed. Like maybe we had all just died a little, too.

Anyway, it was just one of those weird things! Pretty crazy, huh?
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post #2 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 01:23 PM
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ugh. my soul is a little blacker from reading that

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post #3 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 01:26 PM
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post #4 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 01:29 PM
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post #5 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 02:01 PM
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I didn't know mateen was iranian.
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post #6 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 02:14 PM
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Lighten up people, it's the Onion!
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post #7 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 02:16 PM
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Quote:
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Lighten up people, it's the Onion!
even so,

im with maynard on this one

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post #8 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 02:19 PM
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If you have ever seen a vid of a real stoning, you would hope the men feel this way at some point.

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post #9 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 02:58 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pilotx1 View Post
even so,

im with maynard on this one
yep..
the sick thing is much like the daily show - the onion takes on real world news and issues and satirizes them.

Truth is this happens and for the reasons they listed - this case might be bs - but you don't have to spend more than 5 minutes on the internet searching and you will find multiple cases of this happening in real life for the same reasons and with basically the same court case against the girl.

Usually it's in Saudi Arabia or Iraq or Afghanistan - but that's probably partially due to Iran being better at keeping their news to themselves
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post #10 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 03:24 PM
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I did come across a stoning video once. I couldn't take it after 5 seconds into the process.

Its truly sickening that such acts are still carried out.
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post #11 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 03:49 PM
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Stoning is one sick shit.
I watched a video on the net and that was totally un-human.
They should kill those fuckers exactly the same way.

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post #12 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 03:52 PM
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Stoning is one sick shit.
I watched a video on the net and that was totally un-human.
They should kill those fuckers exactly the same way.
wait... that doesnt solve anything...it prepetuates the cycle


now the practice of nuke and pave is something i can stand behind

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post #13 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:02 PM
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wait... that doesnt solve anything...it prepetuates the cycle


now the practice of nuke and pave is something i can stand behind
that makes zero sense.

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post #14 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:17 PM
 
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I understood what he meant. Would've been cheaper if they did that instead of occupying multiple countries.
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post #15 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:19 PM
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I think your sarcasm altering device is broken.

But in case Jason wasn't trying to be funny, that's pretty messed up. heh

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post #16 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:23 PM
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Well, they'll stone you and say that it's the end
Then they'll stone you and then they'll come back again
They'll stone you when you're riding in your car
and they'll stone when you're playing your guitar
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned

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post #17 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:24 PM
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this is not uncommon in sharia dominated countries and is exactly why islam is not compatible with western culture and the freedoms that we all enjoy so much

most libs who support islamic causes would get this treatment ( or at least a lashing)from the hardliners they admire so much due to their lifestyle choices
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post #18 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrock View Post
that makes zero sense.
no it makes complete sense,

he said the practice of stoning is un-human
then followed it by saying that those who do it should be killed in the same way

person A is killed by stoning carried out by persons B,C,D,E
person B,C,D,E then must be killed by stoning
thus requiring more people to carry out the stoning
the cycle repeats and spreads

nuke and pave is quick and done with, no suffering if properly nuked

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post #19 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elroy121 View Post
this is not uncommon in sharia dominated countries and is exactly why islam is not compatible with western culture and the freedoms that we all enjoy so much

most libs who support islamic causes would get this treatment ( or at least a lashing)from the hardliners they admire so much due to their lifestyle choices
Which libs and which hardliners and where would this stoning or lashing take place?

Everyone Exaggerates

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post #20 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:27 PM
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Quote:
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no it makes complete sense,

he said the practice of stoning is un-human
then followed it by saying that those who do it should be killed in the same way

person A is killed by stoning carried out by persons B,C,D,E
person B,C,D,E then must be killed by stoning
thus requiring more people to carry out the stoning
the cycle repeats and spreads

nuke and pave is quick and done with, no suffering if properly nuked
Is nuke and pave a human thing to do?

Everyone Exaggerates

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post #21 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:44 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
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Is nuke and pave a human thing to do?
humans are the only animals on the planet that have access to paving technology.

Obviously there are tar pits but we were the first to figure out how to make superhighways (and you can thank the nazi's for that)
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post #22 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:44 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arch View Post
Well, they'll stone you and say that it's the end
Then they'll stone you and then they'll come back again
They'll stone you when you're riding in your car
and they'll stone when you're playing your guitar
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned
in before tds
every liberal must get stoned?
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post #23 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:51 PM
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in before tds
every liberal must get stoned?
Never heard of Bob Dylan, eh?

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post #24 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:55 PM Thread Starter
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Never heard of Bob Dylan, eh?
Nope... Me and Officer Kristie Buble are cool like that.
I am more into synthpop

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post #25 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 04:58 PM
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Quote:
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Which libs and which hardliners and where would this stoning or lashing take place?
i think you know that was hypothetical
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post #26 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 05:03 PM
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i think you know that was hypothetical
I was just curious if we had any islamic hardliners who had taken over the government or if we were being overtaken in a coup without me knowing about it...

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post #27 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 05:12 PM
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Quote:
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I was just curious if we had any islamic hardliners who had taken over the government or if we were being overtaken in a coup without me knowing about it...
seems as though they're working on it
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post #28 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 05:14 PM
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seems as though they're working on it
Really? Which govt position of authority does he have and how is he working to change our laws?

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post #29 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 05:24 PM
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not playing your game
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post #30 of 41 (permalink) Old 09-30-2010, 05:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elroy121 View Post
seems as though they're working on it
LOL!!

Salman (the guy pictured) had a Ponzi scheme going on with his investors' money and went into hiding with $80 million.

Oh and here's the kicker...99.9% of the victims were conservative Muslims who were told that his investments (which yielded 25% annually) we halaal.

The only thing that image proves is that conservative Muslims got gypped, not the fact that hardliners are trying to take over the government (although we are working on it habibi )

But I guess a guy with a beard with Obama usually does the trick, no matter the real story.

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