NWS-rated MA--Warning: These jokes may offend you... - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 04:52 PM Thread Starter
Sarcasm in every post.
 
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: 40mi West of the City
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NWS-rated MA--Warning: These jokes may offend you...

Some guy just knocked on my door, selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”
__________________________________________________ __

Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.” He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me blow a load of cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!”
__________________________________________________ __

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!”
__________________________________________________ __

Got this text from my brother recently.
It read, “Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”
__________________________________________________ ____

Was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day.
__________________________________________________ __

Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my defense…when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
__________________________________________________ __

My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.”
I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cuz when you’re coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!”
__________________________________________________ __

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
__________________________________________________ ___

The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?” Apparently, “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly,” wasn’t the right answer.
__________________________________________________ __

Ken.


My Garage.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 04:56 PM
YO MAMA
 
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ROFLMAO! now these are gold!!!



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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 04:59 PM
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 05:05 PM
G2G
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Yeah those are gold. Nice one!
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 05:09 PM
PIKUACH NEFESH
 
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Another good batch .
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 05:19 PM
with 2 n's
 
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Location: wheeling, Il.
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Send a message via Yahoo to glenn
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 05:22 PM
YO MAMA
 
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: balls deep in someones mom
Posts: 60,261
Location: balls deep in someones mom
Sportbike: 2010 Electra Glide Police Edition 103cu
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this one had me rolling for a bit..

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!”



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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 07:41 PM
Slower Traffic Keep Right
 
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Kenosha, WI
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How you found us: A friend at NESBA
           
Quote:
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my defense…when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
this one really got me!


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STT "A" 130
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 08:40 PM
Another Polak
 
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Location: Elk Grove, IL
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Those are awesome

" Never drive faster, than your guardian angel can fly."

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PSN: chamala2000

Peter
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 09:24 PM
Not too Slow Not too Fast
 
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Down Syndrome, hillarious,

Dejan
CCS very very Amateur #144
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 09:42 PM
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props

"I pity the poor people who don't ride motorcycles"
-Malcolm Smith, champion motorcycle racer

Nick
STT Staff
Midwest Division
www.sportbiketracktime.com
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2011, 09:47 PM
n00b
 
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Location: Broadview, IL
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Hahaha those are great.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2011, 08:23 AM
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rep sent

418
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2011, 10:53 AM
Riding in the free world!
 
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I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
__________________________________________________ ___
How 'bout 50 times more than Penny. Spookier?
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-18-2011, 09:16 PM
Slow Old Guy.
 
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Friggin FANTASTIC Ken!

Loved all but the first one.

Those were GREAT!!

===========
Great Quote - One would think that the Secret Service was smart enough to get serviced secretly.

MotoVid hasbeen
NESBA hasbeen

CCS neverbeen
WERA neverbeen
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