Carlin du Jour - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-07-2003, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
Evil Moderatrix
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Carlin du Jour

> George Carlin Strikes Again
> >
> >Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
> bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
> >
> >Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
> section in a swimming pool?
> >
> >OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
> Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee
> Titans ?
> >
> >If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
> it?
> >
> >There are three religious truths:
> >A. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
> >B. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
> faith.
> >C. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters
> >
> >1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does
> he become disoriented?
> >
> >2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
> called Holes?
> >
> >3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
> >
> >4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
> >
> >5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
> >
> >6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
> >
> >7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your
> cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
> >
> >8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
> >
> >9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
> to begin with?
> >
> >10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
> >
> >11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
> drives a race car not called a racist?
> >
> >12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
> >
> >13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
> >
> >14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
> >
> >15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
> Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
> >
> >16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
> that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
> models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
> >
> >17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
> >
> >18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
> >
> >19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
> >
> >20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
> more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . ! they're cramming for
> their final exam.

CCS AM #815 - the cute, fuzzy, yellow, spoiled-rotten half of Team Duc Tape!
I break stuff
Duck, duck, duck, GUZ!
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-07-2003, 01:06 PM
Special Agent Lance Boyle
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I can't see, my eyes are tearing!

<--------Sticky Nicky
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-07-2003, 01:47 PM
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Attention all George Carlin fans... He's perfroming Live at the Chicago Theater next Saturday, the 15th, at 7:30 and 9:30. I'd go but I have stupid reserve drill.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-07-2003, 02:18 PM
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Location: Kalispell, MT
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George Carlin is hilarious. I've read one of his books, and laughed every minute of it. I thought i overheard somethin' about him being in chicago. Thanks for the info Chills.
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