Photographer - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-08-2012, 05:13 PM Thread Starter
Sarcasm in every post.
 
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: 40mi West of the City
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Photographer

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies"

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"

"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.

"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your, um......equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work."

"Tripod?????"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"

Ken.


My Garage.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-08-2012, 08:52 PM
See ya Illinois
 
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Rio rancho, NM
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That's a good one.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-09-2012, 06:41 AM
The Halo hides my Horns
 
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Bolingbrook, IL
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Classic Vaudeville

aut cum scuto aut in scuto

http://www.firespeedtactical.com

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-09-2012, 07:12 AM
Slow Old Guy.
 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: SS Barrington
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Cute one.

===========
Great Quote - One would think that the Secret Service was smart enough to get serviced secretly.

MotoVid hasbeen
NESBA hasbeen

CCS neverbeen
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-09-2012, 07:27 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: norridge, IL
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Nice.

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