I hate bacon! - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 03:02 PM Thread Starter
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I hate bacon!

Actually I don't. I love it. I revere it. I worship pig the way Hindus worship cows. Except, I eat mine. The reason as to why I said I hate bacon, is because it generally brings Me pain. Here's how:

Yesterday morning, I awoke to the smell of bacon frying. I jumped up and went running into the kitchen to find a fresh pan of bacon being fried, and some already cooked out on a plate. The Woman was in the laundry room folding clothes. I leaned over the pan to sniff in the glorious goodness. From behind Me I heard "GET THE EFF AWAY FROM THAT! BREAKFAST ISN"T READY YET!". That startled Me so bad, I turned to run and crashed into the doorframe.
A few minutes later, I peeked around the corner to see where She was. She was gone again. I tip-toed over to the plate and noticed one piece had broken away. I figured She wouldn't notice it missing, so I reached towards it real slow and.....KUHPAP!....I took a BIG OL open hand bitch slap to the back of the neck. It hurt and startled Me so bad I crashed the back of My head into the bottom of the cabinets while whipping up. The Woman laughed at Me and told Me to get the Hell away from the bacon. I called Her the 'B word' and ran out of the room.
Not long after that, I found the kitchen empty again. I ran over, snatched up a piece of bacon, and jammed it into My mouth juuuuust as She was coming from the other room. She looked at the plate and then at Me. She asked Me what I had in My mouth. I said "II unnotsh nuffings reallytsh". I was busted. She ripped open the utensil drawer, pulled out a fork, and WHIPPED IT AT ME ALA NINJA STYLE AND THE FORK STUCK IN MY FOREHEAD WITH THIS 'DOIYOIYOING' SOUND! I yelled out "EFF! WHAT THE EFF! OWWW!!!!!" and She comes running across the room and does this cool ass flying side kick which catches Me in the chest and sends Me windmilling backwards where I crash through Our bay window, land on the deck, and then roll off the deck onto this thorny ass bush growing there.

A little later, as I was sitting on the deck looking out over the pasture behind Our house, contemplating why God even made the Women species, the Woman comes out and hands Me a plate with two fied eggs (over medium), lightly toasted bread for sopping, and a pile of bacon. She leans over and kisses the top of My head, and turns to go in. I yell out over My shoulder "Heyyy...You forgot My fork". She points at My forehead and goes "No I didn't, it's right there. HAHAHA!!!"

The end.

stolen from the wera board

CCS AM #31
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 03:17 PM
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 03:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Tacitus
In a state where corruption abounds, laws must be very numerous.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 03:50 PM
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I want some of that shit OP is smoking
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