the difference between Liberals, Conservatives and Southerners - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-26-2003, 01:55 PM Thread Starter
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the difference between Liberals, Conservatives and Southerners

How do you tell the difference between Liberals, Conservatives and Southerners?

Pose the following situation:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

Now what do you do?


The Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.




The Conservative Answer:

BANG!





The Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Wife: "Hun, he looks like he's still moving! Hey kids, whadda y'all think?"

Son: "Mama's right Daddy, I saw it, too."

click, click ...(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"




HDTony.... Damn glad to meet you!

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

- Ronald Reagan

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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-26-2003, 01:57 PM
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shouldn't that be in the jokes forum?
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-26-2003, 02:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by bwa


shouldn't that be in the jokes forum?

The boss is never wrong. It is in the jokes forum

welcome T

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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-26-2003, 02:01 PM
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-26-2003, 02:01 PM
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Did you compose that Tony,

that was pretty good
post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-26-2003, 02:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Labdog
No BWA it's not a joke............IT'S FOR REAL!!
Maybe.....but it's still funny as hell

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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-26-2003, 02:14 PM
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That's too funny. The fact its true is what makes it funnier. Thanks for brightening my day Tony. I will forward this to my dad, he'll get a kick out of it.

Remember kids, gun contol means using both hands and that guns don't kill people, postal workers do

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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-01-2003, 07:43 PM
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Well....I still want to know if he actually wanted to kill the man.

<----Jeff
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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-01-2003, 08:05 PM
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Its funny because its true.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-01-2003, 09:08 PM
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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-01-2003, 10:16 PM
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You forgot the Southerner's defence for pulling the trigger in multiple situations. "Your honor, he needed killin".

There is nothing firm, nothing balanced, nothing durable in all the universe. Nothing remains in its original state, each day, each hour, each moment, there is change. Change is the essence of life. Embrace change as you do life. To fight change is to live in the past.
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-01-2003, 11:48 PM
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Should I even attempt to toss my 2 cents in

I must thank all you conservative gun loving nuts for helping the #1 problem in the world... Population Control.

Pro-gun and Pro-life, huh, that one still stumps me
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-02-2003, 12:18 AM
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I don't mean to start a religious debate here, but some of you might find it interesting that there is an unofficial patron saint of marksmen:

http://www.tfp.org/TFPForum/catholic...ve/handgun.htm

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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-02-2003, 08:59 AM
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Good one Tony---

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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-02-2003, 09:09 AM
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Quote:
I must thank all you conservative gun loving nuts for helping the #1 problem in the world... Population Control.


Wake up dude.

"gun loving nuts" ? So if gun ownership is protected by the 2nd amendment, by that logic, we must all be "free speech loving nuts" as well.

Just let us "nuts" have our inside jokes and be able to laugh at ourselves without in the closet liberals trying to rationalize it.....
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-02-2003, 01:08 PM
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YES!!! Another political debate on CLSB. I love these.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-02-2003, 02:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ***BJ***
Just let us "nuts" have our inside jokes and be able to laugh at ourselves without in the closet liberals trying to rationalize it.....
I guess I missed something. I thought that it was the "closet liberals" (whatever the hell that is with people openly stating their opinions), that this joke was primarily aimed at (no pun intended). Or at least the comments like, "so true".

At least now we seem to have 3 groups: liberals, conservatives, and southerners!

Dave
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-02-2003, 02:23 PM
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Quote:
I thought that it was the "closet liberals" (whatever the hell that is with people openly stating their opinions), that this joke was primarily aimed at (no pun intended).
When Mightier began the political threads a few months back, it was under the guise that he had didn't side with the left or the right. It finally comes to light that he is on the left....that is why I said "in the closet"..... It was a reference to him, not the act of stating opinions.
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-02-2003, 07:28 PM
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Technicalities. And I am liberal, ask a lot of people on here, but I don't consider people "gun loving nuts." However, the right to bear arms has been interpreted for a more modern use. It's archaic, however I still believe that the right to bear arms is necessary. But those who go so far as to say that militias are necessary are quite mistaken. A state governed military that is made up of citizens is the national guard.

<----Jeff
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-02-2003, 09:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Honda4Ever
Technicalities. And I am liberal, ask a lot of people on here, but I don't consider people "gun loving nuts." However, the right to bear arms has been interpreted for a more modern use. It's archaic, however I still believe that the right to bear arms is necessary. But those who go so far as to say that militias are necessary are quite mistaken. A state governed military that is made up of citizens is the national guard.
mi·li·tia (m…-l¹sh“…) n. Abbr. mil. 1. An army composed of ordinary citizens rather than professional soldiers. 2. A military force that is not part of a regular army and is subject to call for service in an emergency. 3. The whole body of physically fit civilians eligible by law for military service. [Latin mºlitia, warfare, military service, from mºles, mºlit-, soldier.]

Pay special attention to definition #3.

Also notice this taken directly from the Army National Guard web page:

Protecting Our World, Our Federal Mission

During peacetime each state National Guard answers to the leadership in the 50 states, three territories and the District of Columbia. During national emergencies, however, the President reserves the right to mobilize the National Guard, putting them in federal duty status. While federalized, the units answer to the Combatant Commander of the theatre in which they are operating and, ultimately, to the President.

Even when not federalized, the Army National Guard has a federal obligation (or mission.) That mission is to maintain properly trained and equipped units, available for prompt mobilization for war, national emergency, or as otherwise needed.

The Army National Guard is a partner with the Active Army and the Army Reserves in fulfilling the country's military needs. In fiscal year 2001, Army Guard soldiers pulled duty in more than 80 countries in a wide variety of operations including peacekeeping, stabilization, security, nation building, etc. Below are a few examples of how the Army National Guard is fulfilling its federal mission.


You will note that the President who can declare a national emergency and Federalize the National Guard thereby places direct control over the Guard under his control.

This is a far cry from the original intent of the Constitution which was to allow the citizenry to retain the means to overthrough the government should the government become unconstitutional by no longer representing the people.

This concept was considered important enough that it was the second amendment to the Constitution.

All legal debate over this amendment center around the authority of the federal government to place limits on gun ownership over the same citizens who are eligible and responsible to serve the military when called.

Let's not forget that the primary intent of the Constitution was to limit the powers of the government, not the people.

Dave
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-02-2003, 10:15 PM
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The intent of the second amendment was for the United State's defense. A nation filled with armed citizens is not always the best one to invade. Also, at the time, Britain still wanted to take back the United States. They attempted, and failed.

The National Guard is a militia, according to the Constitution:
The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States...

<----Jeff
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