shallow end of the gene pool - Chicagoland Sportbikes
Chicagoland Sportbikes
The Funny Papers got some funny stuff? Make us laugh.

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 12-02-2003, 11:18 PM Thread Starter
stuck in 6th gear
Ernie's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Palatine
Posts: 7,632
Location: Palatine
Sportbike: '99 SV650, GSX-R1K2, CRF230F5, '08 HM-S
Years Riding: not enough lately *(&%# work...
How you found us: LBK back in the day
shallow end of the gene pool

oldies but goodies:


These are taken from real Resumes, CV's and Cover Letters, and were
printed in the July 21st issue of "Fortune Magazine":

1. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."

2.. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."

6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."

8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."

9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

10. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No

11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voice mail."

13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no
training in Meteorology, suppose I should try stock brokerage."

14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

15. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."

16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a
Midwest chain store."

17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'.
I have never quit a job."

18. "Marital status: often. Children: various."

19. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my
three previous employers."

20. "Finished eighth in class of ten."

21. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

These quotes were taken from actual Performance Evaluations:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached
rock bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been,
but more of a definitely won't be."

4. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

5. "Works well when under constant supervision and
cornered like a rat in a trap."

6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only
to change whichever foot was previously in there."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better."

These lines are actual lines from Military Performance Appraisals:

1. "Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."

2. "A room temperature IQ."

3. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to
hold it all together."

4. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

5. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

6. "Bright as Alaska in December."

7. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the
train isn't coming."

8. "He's so dense, light bends around him."

9. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

10. "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
Ernie is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 12-03-2003, 04:12 AM
Registered User
Kneeinpain's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Arlington Heights
Posts: 813
Location: Arlington Heights
Sportbike: '14 BMW S1000R, '06 Triumph Scrambler / '06 BMW R1200GSA
Years Riding: Long time...
How you found us: VTR 996 - in '02

These will come in handy at work tomorrow...

Tom / '06 Triumph Scrambler / '06 BMW R1200GSA / 1969 Honda Mini-Trail / '14 BMW S1000R
Kneeinpain is offline  
post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 12-03-2003, 11:21 PM
Who's faster Lupi
Champ91's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Lake in the Hills, IL
Posts: 4,957
Location: Lake in the Hills, IL
Sportbike: 2004 ZX10R & 2005 CRF50
Years Riding: 20
How you found us: SBN

NESBA #456 Intermediate
Always 1 step ahead of Lupi. 1:24:7 BHF
And 1 step behind Kimmy

"SoB gets to spend yet ANOTHER season faster than me." -LUPI-
Champ91 is offline  

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Chicagoland Sportbikes forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome