Christmas gifts for Illinois girls
I know many of us have nieces or little girls that you buy for at Christmas.
Here are a few gift ideas for that special someone in your life. Just in time for the holiday season........
Highland Park Barbie:
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus or BMW SUV, gets lost easily, and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows and a Meth Lab Ken. Also available in a Mexican version.
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow Ken.
This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light And a Hank, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's hiney when she's drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.
This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One has long gray hair and arch-less feet, Birkenstocks, no makeup and a mutt. Or.. Boycut brown highlighted hair, Abercrombie T and cargos, combat boots and a pit-bull.
This bee-atch of a Barbie comes with a knife to stab other Barbie's in the back, miniskirt and tons of makeup. They are working on developing an "Hyde Park Barbie," but she keeps getting shot.
Lake Forest and Kenilworth Barbie:
This True Blonde shops exclusively in town. She drives a Land Rover (sold separately). She has an MBA from Northwestern but has never worked outside the home. Her child's stroller is bigger than your house and her tennis trophies are discreetly hidden behind CEO Ken's golf trophies. She knows enough Spanish to talk with the nanny; Tagalog to speak to the cook; and Polish for the house painter and housekeeper respectively. Her family owns a winery in Napa, but she buys cases of "2-Buck Chuck" at Trader Joe's.
Hence the need for the rear-loading Land Rover.
Big hair sprayed black hair with overdone makeup and housecoat, cooks up a batch of mean meatballs and lasagna and the ever popular chocolate chip cookies. Comes with plastic covered sofas.
Cubs hat and tank top, bleacher tan, Kosher hotdog and overpriced Old Style in hand. Ken is dressed in the Cubs satin jacket, hat, headphones and a mark in his palm where the game ball landed once. His lawyer is sold separately.