George Costanza: - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 11:11 AM Thread Starter
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George Costanza:

10 commandments for ‘working hard’:

1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. Have 2 Jackets
If you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere!
11. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
Words to live by!

"No dig up stupid."

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 11:16 AM
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 11:18 AM
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Remember, canstanya! that show Rocks!!

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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 11:21 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by bravo6
Remember, canstanya! that show Rocks!!

Even better is the episode when he decided that he needed to excentuate his name like a song to gain recognition.

" CAaaa STAN ZAaaa"

"No dig up stupid."

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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 11:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hawkeye
Even better is the episode when he decided that he needed to excentuate his name like a song to gain recognition.

" CAaaa STAN ZAaaa"
Yeah, so he'd get a second date with that chick.. and he ended up leaving that expensive hat at her place... and then he stole her clock.....

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 11:53 AM
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I was at work.......i mean at home watching the 1 about the mens bag (purse) that jerry ended up getting, and george with his huge wallet that blew up when he tryed to stuff a phone # for free guitar lessons
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 12:04 PM Thread Starter
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what about the magic loogy with kramer and newman? anyone remember that one?

or probably one of my favorites is when kramer finds the old ed sullivan set getting thrown out and he puts it in his house and hosts an imaginary show. i love it.

"No dig up stupid."

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 12:07 PM
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Both of those are awesome... but my two favorites are:

The Bet... who could go longest without... you know. Kramer was out the first day!

The Roommate Swap... Jerry wanted to date his girlfriends roommate and George suggested the mange-a-trois. "They're INTO it."

I love that show.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 12:39 PM
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speaking of Costanza and work....how about when he had his desk modified so he could nap under it. then they called the bomb squad into there cuz they heard the clock!
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 12:47 PM
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Or when Kramer tried to tell the fire department what the fastest route through the city was, and at the end, he snuck onto the truck and was driving it!! I love that one!

<-------- Jeff


Hey baby! You ever been on the back of an expensive sportbike??


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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 01:23 PM
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moving to funy papers

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“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

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