Company Christmas Party Memo - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 11:16 AM Thread Starter
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Company Christmas Party Memo

(Not sure if I posted this already but it is funny)


December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party
will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit
Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small
band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing
along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed
as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of
gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

---------------------------------------------------------------------
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an
important holiday that often coincides with Christmas
(though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
---------------------------------------------------------------------

December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange--no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director
--------------------------------------------------------------------

December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?

Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director
--------------------------------------------------------------------

December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting
our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of
"Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil
connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces
---------------------------------------------------------------------

December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going
to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it
or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the
"grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar
only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice
them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right
now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive
drunk and die, you hear me?

The Bitch from Hell
-------------------------------------------------------------------

December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a
speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll
continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In
the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Tammy Barnes
Acting Human Resources Director

"No dig up stupid."

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 11:48 AM
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 12:01 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
dammit, i knew i should have looked for it before posting but i figured i didnt have the time to do that.

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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 01:25 PM
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Hawkeye's got me workin' overtime today

moving to funny papers

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

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-Abraham Lincoln


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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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Originally posted by Crazy
Hawkeye's got me workin' overtime today

moving to funny papers
damn i f**ked up on this one. I didnt even know we had a funny papers forum. Does that count as the one new thing i learned today meaning I can go home now??

"No dig up stupid."

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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-19-2003, 01:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hawkeye
damn i f**ked up on this one. I didnt even know we had a funny papers forum. Does that count as the one new thing i learned today meaning I can go home now??
sure....tell your boss I gave you the rest of the day off

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

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