Memo to All Pets - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2004, 11:24 AM Thread Starter
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Memo to All Pets

MEMO: To all pets

Dear Dogs and Cats,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...


Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

Kim
CCS AM #815 - the cute, fuzzy, yellow, spoiled-rotten half of Team Duc Tape!
I break stuff
Duck, duck, duck, GUZ!
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2004, 11:29 AM
Enjoying Life!!
 
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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later!!
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2004, 11:33 AM
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Those are good!

<-------- Jeff


Hey baby! You ever been on the back of an expensive sportbike??


Property of Evil Monkey Racing
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2004, 11:46 AM
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Thats great !!!!!

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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2004, 07:58 PM
Asphalt tastes bad, kids.
 
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Very funny. But very very few of the "kids" comments actually apply to me.

<----Jeff
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2004, 08:27 PM
6Teen Cycles
 
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Oh so true

“The shapes and beauty of the motor are very important to me. Older bikes have beauty. Modern bikes…I don’t have any favorite shapes.”
-Shinya Kimura


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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2004, 08:32 PM
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HaHa

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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2004, 08:52 PM
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how did you know??


My 2 dogs and 1 cat have taken over my house too. It makes me feel better to know I am not alone!!
If you thought that up then you are truly a learned person with great insight into the human condition-- Maybe not
whit

<............... Whitney

TWO WHEELS ARE THE ONLY WAY TO EXPERIENCE HEAVEN ON EARTH
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-19-2004, 08:15 AM Thread Starter
Evil Moderatrix
 
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Location: Think corn and pigs. Lots and lots of corn and pigs.
Sportbike: A Big Blue One, a threesome of Sexy Red Ones - and a Happy Yellow One!
Years Riding: Quarter century.
How you found us: I was looking for Jimmy Choo's in my shoe closet.
           
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LOL - Nah, I just find this stuff.. or does it find me?

Kim
CCS AM #815 - the cute, fuzzy, yellow, spoiled-rotten half of Team Duc Tape!
I break stuff
Duck, duck, duck, GUZ!
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-19-2004, 12:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Honda4Ever
Very funny. But very very few of the "kids" comments actually apply to me.
WTF are you talking about? You are a costly kid.

Awesome, though Kim. Those are the reasons I have a cat and not a kid. I like her a lot more than I like people.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-21-2004, 06:35 PM
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"It's all about the pain, the jewelry and the ink are just souvenirs"


<--Michelle
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-22-2004, 06:42 AM
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I just finished reading it, to both the cat and the dog, who once again are hogging the freaking kingsize bed

Sometimes goodbye is your second chance.
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-20-2004, 08:13 AM
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LOL
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 03-20-2004, 08:26 AM
Got my new Ride......
 
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- Sam
NESBA #749
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