1 liners - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-08-2004, 01:16 AM Thread Starter
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1 liners

got these in an email


4) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house,"

--Rod Stewart



5) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."

--Jeff Foxworthy



6) "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

--Robin Williams



7) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."

--Dave Barry



8) "What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"

--Marilyn Pittman



9) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."

--Bob Ettinger



10) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."

--Paula Poundstone>



11) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men.I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."

--Conan O'Brien



12) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."

--Lynda Montgomery



13) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"

--Richard Jeni



14) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

--Johnny Carson



15) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."

--Paul Rodriguez



6) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law."

--Jerry Seinfeld



17) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"

--Warren Hutcherson



18) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."

--Oscar Wilde



19) "Suppose you were an idiot . And suppose you were a member of Congress .... But I repeat myself."

--Mark Twain



20) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."

--A. Whitney Brown



21) "Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

--Robin Williams



22) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

--Roseanne



23) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

--Billy Crystal



24) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"

--Dave Barry



25) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because " Mad Cow Disease" was taken..

--Unknown, presumed deceased

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-08-2004, 01:25 AM
yo quiero su taco
 
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Woodridge
Posts: 12,745
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Sportbike: Honda CBR 954 blk/slvr
Years Riding: 10 years
How you found us: They found me. Follow the white rabbit.
           
Some of the funniest stuff I've heard in a while laughing
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-08-2004, 04:37 PM
Kansas Baby
 
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: BTK Land
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Sportbike: 1992 ZX7R
Years Riding: 4
How you found us: through GODFATHER
 

"It's all about the pain, the jewelry and the ink are just souvenirs"


<--Michelle
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-08-2004, 04:41 PM
SICK OF IT ALL
 
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 4,471
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Sportbike: missing my RC51
Years Riding: 9+
How you found us: drove by Strats one night & stopped in
           
Pretty funny stuff.

Wayne


Standing together
Side by side
Staying true to what’s inside
United as one, we fight

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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-08-2004, 04:41 PM
bwa
Boom
 
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Kalispell, MT
Posts: 13,320
Location: Kalispell, MT
Sportbike: None :(
Years Riding: not long enough
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good stuff

Last edited by bwa; 03-08-2004 at 04:44 PM.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-08-2004, 05:36 PM
Old Squid on a Blade
 
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Carpentersville
Posts: 9,389
Location: Carpentersville
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Years Riding: Longer than most of you have been alive. And I'm still slow.
How you found us: The voices in my head told me to come here
           
I like 25!

There is nothing firm, nothing balanced, nothing durable in all the universe. Nothing remains in its original state, each day, each hour, each moment, there is change. Change is the essence of life. Embrace change as you do life. To fight change is to live in the past.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-08-2004, 06:04 PM Thread Starter
Resident Slow guy
 
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Chicago
Posts: 6,771
Location: Chicago
Sportbike: 250x_Dirtbike Triumph_Tripled_955i 90_H-D_Bagger CR80_Mini_Motard
Years Riding: Street_LOOOOOOONG_Time Track Backmarker
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my favorites are 7 and 11

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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-09-2004, 09:42 PM
Asphalt tastes bad, kids.
 
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,544
Location: New Mexico
Sportbike: Boo-Boo('02 Black/Yellow F4i)
Years Riding: 3
How you found us: My brother is on here.
    
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12 and 21

<----Jeff
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