Doctor Jokes - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 1 (permalink) Old 03-11-2004, 09:21 PM Thread Starter
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Doctor Jokes

Doctor Jokes: Fact is funnier than fiction

A man runs into the Emergency Room and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the
cab,
lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, And I was in
the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied
the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a woman
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more
than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that
he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical, including The visual
acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly.
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.
I
turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he
was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, as his doctor, that he was having
trouble
with one of his medications. "Which ! one?" I asked. "The patch.
The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now
I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty
Patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old
patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?"
After aquizzical look, she said, "Not for about twenty years --
when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis,

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's
your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I
then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled
"KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, Mi

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room. A young woma! n
entered with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing. It was quickly
determined the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on
the
operating table, the staff noticed her pubic hair had been dyed green,
and above it there was a tattoo tha! t read, "Keep off the grass."
Once
the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said; "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

A new, young MD was doing his residency in obstetrics. He was
quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To conceal his
embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly. A middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this
exam
suddenly burst ! out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked
up
from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling
you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling
was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook View Post
hahahaha, nice try. Everyone knows men age like wine and women age like milk. It's a scientific fact!!
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