Forrest Gump Dies
> > The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is
> the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are
> and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
> > St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We
> heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is
> up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for
> The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into
> > Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here , St. Peter, sir. But
> nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't
> hard; life was a big enough test as it was."
> > St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
> > First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
> > Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
> > Third: What is God's first name?"
> > Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day
> sees St. Peter, who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a
> to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
> > Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week
> with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and
> > The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what
> was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so
> I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St.
> > "How many seconds in a year?"
> > "Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about
> and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
> > Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's
> name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
> > Forrest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February
> March 2nd. . . ....."
> > "Hold it, " interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with
> and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in
> I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the
> and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
> > "Sure", Forrest replied, "its Andy."
> > "Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I
> understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions,
> just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first
> of God?"
> > "Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt
> from the song. . . "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS
> AM HIS OWN. . . ."
> > St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest, run."
> > **************
> > Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
> > Give me the grace to see a joke,
> > To get some humor out of life,
> > and pass it on to other folk.