Well it will make some people laugh - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 02:37 PM Thread Starter
Special Agent Lance Boyle
 
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Well it will make some people laugh

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's >>daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing >>health care >>to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

<--------Sticky Nicky
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 02:43 PM
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Re: Well it will make some people laugh

Quote:
Originally posted by Sticky
we're likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years.

God, I hope so.




HDTony.... Damn glad to meet you!

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

- Ronald Reagan

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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 03:00 PM
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Man I read that through and I think I see something different. Can't explain it.


Drug addiction is a disease that should be treated with compassion and understanding...unless the addict is a Conservative talk show host.


The United States should be subservient to the United Nations. Our highest authority is not God and the U.S. Constitution, but a collective of tinpot dictators (and their appeasers) and the U.N. charter.


Government should relax drug laws regardless of the potential for abuse, but should pass new and unConstitutional anti-gun laws because of the potential for abuse.


Calls for increased security after a terrorist attack are "political opportunism," but calls for more gun control after a criminal's spree killing is "a logical solution."


"It Takes a Village" means everything you want it to mean...except creeping socialist government involvement in the nuclear family.


Disarming innocent, law-abiding citizens helps protect them from evil, lawless terrorists and other thugs.


Slowly killing an unborn innocent by tearing it apart limb from limb is good. Slowly killing an innocent disabled woman by starving her to death is good. Quickly killing terrorists, convicted murderers and rapists is BAD.


Every religion should be respected and promoted in public schools the name of diversity, so long as that religion isn't Christianity.


The best way to support our troops is to criticize their every move. This will let them know they're thought of often.


Sexual harassment, groping and drug use are degenerate if you're the governor of California, but it's okay if you're the President of the United States.


Sex education should be required so that teens can make informed choices about sex, but gun education should be banned because it will turn those same teens into maniacal mass-murderers.


Minorities are blameless for the hatred of the racist; women are blameless for the hatred of the rapist; but America is entirely at fault for the hatred of Islamofascists.


Poverty is the cause of all terrorism...which is why the leaders of al Qaeda are typically U.S.-educated and were raised in wealth and luxury.


The Patriot Act is a horrific compromise of Constitutional rights, but anti-Second Amendment laws and Franklin Roosevelt's Presidential Order 9066 must be regarded "reasonable precautions."


We should unquestioningly honor the wishes of our age-old allies, even when said allies no longer act like our allies and have vested economic interests in propping up our enemies.


Socialized medicine is the ideal. Nevermind all those people who spend every dime they have to get to the United States so they can get quality medical care...that their nation's socialized medical community can't provide.


Michael Moore, Noam Chomsky and Natalie Maines are perfectly qualified to criticize our leadership, but Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charlton Heston, and Dennis Miller are just ignorant political hacks.


John Lott's research on how gun ownership reduces crime is junk science, but Michael Bellesiles is still an authority on why gun control is good (even though he was forced to resign from Emory due to research misconduct over his book "Arming America").


Bush's toppling the Saddam regime was a "diversion," but Clinton's lobbing a couple of cruise missiles at Iraq in the thick of the Lewinsky sex scandal was "sending a message."


A president who lies under oath is okay, but a president who references sixteen words from an allies' intelligence report should be dragged through the streets naked.


Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning Second Amendment rights and shopping the courts for judges sympathetic to causes that wouldn't pass in any legislature.


"The People" in the First Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Fourth Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Ninth Amendment means The People; "the People" in the Tenth Amendment means The People; but "the People" in the Second Amendment (ratified in 1791) means the National Guard (created by an Act of Congress in 1903).


You support a woman's "right to choose" to kill her unborn child, but don't believe that same woman is competent enough to homeschool the children she bears.


Proven draft-dodging is irrelevant, but baseless claims of AWOL status is crucial to national security.


Threatening to boycott Dr. Laura's and Rush Limbaugh's advertisers is exercising Freedom of Speech, but threatening to boycott CBS's "The Reagans" and Liberal actors over their asinine anti-American remarks is censorship and McCarthyist blacklisting.

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

-Herbert Hoover
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 03:08 PM
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Now Thats a hole in one Crazy Very nice




HDTony.... Damn glad to meet you!

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

- Ronald Reagan

AirTek Heating & Air inc.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 03:34 PM
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Hey Brian,

Wayne


Standing together
Side by side
Staying true to what’s inside
United as one, we fight

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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 03:41 PM
yo quiero su taco
 
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OMG Brian, Wow! That is everything I have always wanted to say, but am too stupid to think of it, let alone put it into words.

"includes 10 used-car dealers or auto repair shops, 11 liquor stores and bars--two of which advertise lingerie fashion shows and a third billed as a "gentlemen's club"--three cut-rate motels and one trailer park. The squat, brick municipal building is next to a currency exchange and a few steps from an adult video store. The bars open at 10 a.m. and close at 6:30 a.m."

Quote:
Originally Posted by admin View Post
Something must be fishy...I am going to go poke around in the back end..
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 03:51 PM Thread Starter
Special Agent Lance Boyle
 
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Crazy,
Nice. I think that this proves that both sides of our political area in this country has skewed, delusional views of each other and the issues.

Back to laughing

<--------Sticky Nicky
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 04:01 PM
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Tou-fucking-ché. Way to go Brian!

-- Matthew --

"I'm just a simple man trying to make his way in the Universe" - Jango Fett
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 04:40 PM
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Brian, that might have been the most frightening thing I've ever read. I thought this was supposed to be a "funny" thread?

Where the hell did I put my tinfoil hat?

<---- Patrick

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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 04:44 PM
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That was amazing Brian

<--- DJ

"John Kerry fought bravely in Vietnam, and protested the war. He's for Iraq and against it. Whatever your opinion, John Kerry agrees with you."
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 04:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Underdog
Brian, that might have been the most frightening thing I've ever read. I thought this was supposed to be a "funny" thread?

Where the hell did I put my tinfoil hat?


Wayne


Standing together
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Staying true to what’s inside
United as one, we fight

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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 05:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Underdog
Brian, that might have been the most frightening thing I've ever read. I thought this was supposed to be a "funny" thread?

Where the hell did I put my tinfoil hat?

hahaha what Brian wrote there was the exact oposite of a conservative. What would the exact oposite of a conservative be? A liberal. everything there is what we fight against every day.




HDTony.... Damn glad to meet you!

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

- Ronald Reagan

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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-06-2004, 06:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sticky
Crazy,
Nice. I think that this proves that both sides of our political area in this country has skewed, delusional views of each other and the issues.

Back to laughing
absolutely

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

-Herbert Hoover
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