Translating a British Bike Repair Manual
Manual: "Rotate anticlockwise"
Means: "Clamp with grips then beat repeatedly with hammer"
Manual: "This is a snug fit"
Means: "You will skin your knuckles"
Manual: "This is a tight fit"
Means: "Not a hope in Hell, mate!"
Means: "Hammer a screwdriver into"
Manual: "Retain tiny spring"
Means: "Jeez, what was that thing that nearly had me eye out!"
Means: "Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner for it while mutering 'bugger' repeatedly under your breath"
Means: "Squint really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a knowing voice to your wife, 'Yep, it's as I thought, it's going to need a new one!"
Manual: "Get an assistant"
Means: "Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of a friend"
Manual: "Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal"
Means: "... but you swear in different places"
Manual: "Prise away locating pegs"
Means: "Snap off"
Means: "List of all of the things in the book except the one you need"