Good jokes a friend just sent me. - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-11-2004, 01:44 PM Thread Starter
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Good jokes a friend just sent me.

Married In Heaven


Can You Get Married in Heaven . . . . . ..
On their way to get married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sat and waited for an answer....for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?
-------------------------------------------------------------------



MONKEY BIZ


A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did?"
"Now what?" asks the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first."




HDTony.... Damn glad to meet you!

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-11-2004, 01:55 PM
 
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OK...THE JOKE THREAD...

here goes..

One afternoon Joe wanders into his regular tavern, but a little later than usual. Murph, the bartender, notices that Joe is in a particularly good mood.

"Hey Joe, what's up?"

"Murph, you won't believe it. I was walking along the railroad tracks on my way here, like I always do, and guess what? There was this naked woman tied to the track."

"No shit! What did you do?"

"What do you think? I cut her loose, and then we proceeded to have sex practically every way you can imagine!"

"Wow, that's cool, Joe. Did you get a blow job too?"

"Well, I wanted one, only I couldn't find her head."
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-11-2004, 02:32 PM
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I'm printing out the first two!!!
I can't rememebr jokes for the life of me!


---->

Back from hibernation.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-15-2004, 06:22 PM
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The monkey one was pretty funny.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-16-2004, 12:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Schiernbeck
The monkey one was pretty funny.
+1 i like the railroad 1 also

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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-16-2004, 12:31 AM
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my turn...

so there were these 3 childhood friends that ran into eachother after college. they decide on goin out for a night on the town to catch up on life. they talk bout their careers and start to argue over who makes more money and who has the better life until one of them decides that the should go to the strip club to ease the tension.
they get to the club and sit right up close to the stage. so a stripper does her thing and starts shakin her naked ass in their faces. well the guy on the left likes what he sees and pulls out his wallet, grabs a 10 dollar bill, licks it, and slaps it on her left ass cheek. they guy on the right also likes what he sees, and not to be out done, he pulls out his wallet, grabs a 20 dollar bill, licks it, and slaps it on her right ass cheek. they guy in the middle, with a smile on his face, pulls out his wallet, grabs is atm card, licks the strip, slides it down the crack of her ass, and pockets the 30 bucks!

I am what I am, and I do what I do!!
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