airline humor - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-07-2005, 08:01 AM Thread Starter
The Victim Newbie
 
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airline humor

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qanta's pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit. (This one's great, too!)
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

<-- Chris

turn the bars left and go right; that just isn't right
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-07-2005, 08:32 AM
I'm always learning......
 
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P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


Better not mess with them Quantas jets.

Synthetic Lifelike Organism Responsible for Observation and Logical Learning - SLOROLL

Remember there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. Zappa 1974

And I said....."Look here brother, who you jiving with that cosmik debris? Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho? Zappa 1974
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-07-2005, 08:46 AM
Not too Slow Not too Fast
 
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"Took hammer away from midget"

That is funny!!!

Dejan
CCS very very Amateur #144
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-07-2005, 09:26 AM
 
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TFF
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-07-2005, 01:13 PM
yo quiero su taco
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RSVMillenian
"Took hammer away from midget"

That is funny!!!

+1

"includes 10 used-car dealers or auto repair shops, 11 liquor stores and bars--two of which advertise lingerie fashion shows and a third billed as a "gentlemen's club"--three cut-rate motels and one trailer park. The squat, brick municipal building is next to a currency exchange and a few steps from an adult video store. The bars open at 10 a.m. and close at 6:30 a.m."

Quote:
Originally Posted by admin View Post
Something must be fishy...I am going to go poke around in the back end..
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-07-2005, 03:24 PM
 
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Needed a good laugh...I will be thinking of these while flying this weekend.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-07-2005, 03:55 PM
bwa
Boom
 
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-07-2005, 04:15 PM
Is this Russia?
 
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Old, but still funny stuff.
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