if you dont laugh at the end of this, something is wrong
I knew this guy, he told me this, but I don't know if it's true.
He said that one day he was riding through North Carolina and he
saw a sign that said: "VASELINE-POWERED CAR FOR SALE." He thought
this was pretty odd, and he had plenty of time to screw off, so
he decided to follow the signs to look at the Vaseline-powered
car. He drove for about 5 miles and finally came upon a sign that
pointed up a driveway, which led back into some woods. He pulled
in and drove about half a mile and came upon a house. It looked
deserted so he blew the horn. He waited for about a minute before
an old man came out. He rolled his window down and called out to
him, "Hey! Is it true that you have a Vaseline-powered car for
sale?" The old man assured him he did and the guy asked him if he
could see it.
They walked back behind the house to an old barn. The old man
opened the double-wide barn door and there was a car sitting
under an old dirty blanket. The old man pulled the blanket off
the car and under it was a shiny red Corvette.
"1969, 369 cubic inch, 400 horsepower, 4-speed transmission," the
old man said. The guy asked him if it was true that the car ran
on Vaseline. And the old man went to the Vaseline tank and stuck
his hand inside. When he pulled it out it was covered with
Vaseline. "Care to drive it?" he asked.
As the guy snapped on his seat belt the old man said, "Don't go
too fast. Vaseline has more pick-up than regular gas. And it's
low on Vaseline, too, so don't go too far." The guy turned the
key and the car fired up and it sounded like the space shuttle
and then it settled down like a purring tiger. He found first
gear and eased out of the barn. He turned onto the hardtop and
hit second gear at 45 mph. Third at 70 and into fourth at 95. The
car felt wonderful! 110 mph and so smooth! And the pick-up was
unbelievable! He had covered 5 miles in under 3 minutes and all
of a sudden the car shut off. He coasted to a stop and got out.
To his fear, he was out of Vaseline. He started to walk.
Meanwhile, down the road...
A family had just finished supper. There was Dad, Mom, and two
daughters, one home from college, the other in high school. Dad
was telling Mom how good supper was and Mom said that since she
cooked such a fine meal that she shouldn't have to wash the
dishes. The oldest girl said that she couldn't do the dishes
because she had a date and the other said she had homework to do
and couldn't do the dishes. Dad said that he was the man of the
house and he'll be damned if he did the dishes. They argued for a
few minutes and then Dad told everybody to shut up. He said that
since they couldn't decide who would wash the dishes then what
they should do is go in the living room, sit down, and the first
person to say anything would have to do the dishes. They agreed
and moved to the living room. They sat down and stared at each
other, not speaking a word. Everybody had their mouths closed.
Nobody dared to speak. Silence filled the room. There was a knock
at the door. A few moments later, another knock. The man at the
door saw the family through the window. He knocked again but
nobody answered. He walked in.
"Hey, I knocked on your door but nobody said... Hey, food! Do you
mind if I have some?" the stranger asked. Nobody said anything.
So he went to the table and started eating. He looked in the
fridge and found some beer and asked if he could have some.
Nobody said anything. He drank three or four beers and got a
little buzz. He walked into the living room and asked Dad if he
minded if he had sex with his oldest daughter. Nobody said
anything. He took the girl in the bedroom and had sex with her.
Later, he was back at the supper table drinking more beer. He
walked back into the living room and asked Dad if he could have
sex with his youngest daughter. Nobody said anything. He took her
into the bedroom and had sex with her, too. Later, sitting at the
table, after more beer, Mom started to look pretty good. He
walked in and asked Dad if he minded if he had sex with his wife.
Nobody said anything. So he took Mom into the bedroom and had sex
with her. When he was through he walked into the living room and
stood in front of Dad. "Hey, do you have any Vaseline?" he asked
dad. And Dad said, "I'll wash the damn dishes."