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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-20-2005, 08:58 PM Thread Starter
Enjoying Life!!
CHeYeNNe's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Cruising Around Enjoying Life!!
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Talking Smart Ass Answers

TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS FOR 2004..according to
Reader's Digest:

Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she
extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub."

Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at
the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big
enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,
"No ma'am, they're dead."

Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've
been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as
I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he
sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before
he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he
gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for
miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop
gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver,
puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of gas."

AND NOW........FOR THE..........
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004...............

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
for your not being here tomorrow I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family, but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his
hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said
I was suffering from complete and utter sexual

The entire class is reduced to laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher
smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and
sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write
the exam with your other hand."

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later!!
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-20-2005, 09:37 PM
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Location: Kalispell, MT
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-20-2005, 10:47 PM
Pathological Thrill Seekr
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Location: Pedaling my ass off!
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Ride smart... stupid hurts.

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't...

Godspeed 788!!! We miss you!
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-21-2005, 12:40 AM
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 275
damn to have the teach say that OUCH.... The one about the kid getting pulled over that was seriously me. I was going to my girl friends house when I was 16 so like 9 years ago and I was speeding in her neighborhood, got into her drive way and all of a sudden there's a cop with his lights on. I'm like WTF. So he comes up to me and says the neighbor called and said I always speed down this road at 3pm he said he'd been waiting since then and it was now 8pm I'm like sorry I'm late.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-21-2005, 12:44 AM
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 275
I had a teacher one too, I had astronomy class and there was a group final he says if your not here for the final you get an F no excuses. I did all my work and was ready to go to the final and present. I ended up not being there. The following day he's shaking his head and saying I can't believe of all people you didn't make the final you'd better have a really really good excuse, I said I was in Jail does that count. Looks to the floor and says see me after class. Ended up getting a free A.
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