Those damn Texans! - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-21-2005, 09:51 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Spring Grove, IL
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Location: Spring Grove, IL
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Years Riding: 25 years
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Those damn Texans!

While riding one day, a Indian met a Texan riding along with a dog and sheep and began a conversation. Indian: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Texan:"My Dog doesn't talk."

Indian: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

Texan: Look of shock.

Indian: "Is this Texan your owner?" pointing at the Texan.

Dog: "Yep"

Indian: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Texan:Look of total disbelief.

Indian: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Texan: "My Horse doesn't talk."

Indian: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Texan: Extreme look of shock.

Indian: "Is this your owner? " pointing at Texan.

Horse: "Yep"

Indian: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

Texan: Total look of utter amazement.

Indian: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Texan: "Sheep is a liar."

Mike

When the tailgate drops..the bullshit stops
Hunt ethically - Hunt with a trained Retriever !
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-21-2005, 09:56 AM Thread Starter
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Location: Spring Grove, IL
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Years Riding: 25 years
How you found us: dont recall
           
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they
stopped at was the breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated
50 times last year."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
This bull mated 120 times last year. "
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than
twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in
capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife, so excited that her elbow near ly broke her husband's ribs,
said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was
with the same cow."
NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to
stable and he should eventually make a full recovery

Mike

When the tailgate drops..the bullshit stops
Hunt ethically - Hunt with a trained Retriever !
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-21-2005, 09:57 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Spring Grove, IL
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Location: Spring Grove, IL
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Years Riding: 25 years
How you found us: dont recall
           
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over and
was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another
man. The guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?"

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" asked the bewildered guy.

The girl replied, "That's me before the surgery.

Mike

When the tailgate drops..the bullshit stops
Hunt ethically - Hunt with a trained Retriever !
2weelpilot is offline  
post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-21-2005, 10:01 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Spring Grove, IL
Posts: 18,082
Location: Spring Grove, IL
Sportbike: yz250f
Years Riding: 25 years
How you found us: dont recall
           
A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only $20."

"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.

"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.

Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "F**k me, a new brothel and a new madam".

"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel" scolds the woman trying not to laugh.

A little later the womans two teenage daughters arrive home.

"Un f**king-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters.

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes" complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.

A short while later, the woman's husband Dave comes home.

"In f**king-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients. How ya doin', Dave?

Mike

When the tailgate drops..the bullshit stops
Hunt ethically - Hunt with a trained Retriever !
2weelpilot is offline  
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