This is pretty long, but it funny. I think the award is well deserved for the winner, to bad he isn't even around to receive it!!
It's that time again . . . . . They are finally out! You all know
about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who
did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the
most extraordinarily stupid way.* Last year's winner was the fellow
who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as
he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees are:
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low*altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon
the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with
their pants around their ankles.
A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he*tried to use
octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps together wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the
pavement. WarrenCarmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length
of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance
between the trestle and the ground," Carmichaelsaid. Police say the
apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
A man in Alabamadied from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend -no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texasnoticed the smell
of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
after the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
had difficulty navigating in the dark.* To their frustration, none of
the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter.* Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright'
by his peers.
And the winner.....
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
*****ded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of
a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it
was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened. It
seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted
Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy
military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short
airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and
found a long and straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO
unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3..0
miles from the crash site.* This was established by the prominent
scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating
properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing
the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at
full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver and soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced
G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full
afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of
the event.* However, the automobile remained on the straight highway
for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and
completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick
rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an
additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125
feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small
fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and
fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris
believed to be a portion of the steering wheel. Epilogue: It has been
calculated that this moron nearly reached a ground speed of
approximately 420 mph.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't