Darwin Awards! - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:02 AM Thread Starter
Mrs. Maxlean
 
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Darwin Awards!

This is pretty long, but it funny. I think the award is well deserved for the winner, to bad he isn't even around to receive it!!


DarwinAwards



It's that time again . . . . . They are finally out! You all know
about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who
did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the
most extraordinarily stupid way.* Last year's winner was the fellow
who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as
he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees are:



Semifinalist #1

A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.



Semifinalist #2

Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low*altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon
the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with
their pants around their ankles.


Semifinalist #3

A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he*tried to use
octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps together wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the
pavement. WarrenCarmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length
of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance
between the trestle and the ground," Carmichaelsaid. Police say the
apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."


Semifinalist #4

A man in Alabamadied from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend -no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
hospitalized.



Semifinalist #5

Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texasnoticed the smell
of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
after the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
had difficulty navigating in the dark.* To their frustration, none of
the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter.* Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright'
by his peers.


And the winner.....

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
*****ded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of
a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it
was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.

The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened. It
seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted
Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy
military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short
airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and
found a long and straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO
unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3..0
miles from the crash site.* This was established by the prominent
scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating
properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing
the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at
full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.

The driver and soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced
G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full
afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of
the event.* However, the automobile remained on the straight highway
for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and
completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick
rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an
additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125
feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small
fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and
fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris
believed to be a portion of the steering wheel. Epilogue: It has been
calculated that this moron nearly reached a ground speed of
approximately 420 mph.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?

Blueberry
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:11 AM
bwa
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damn, that last one is plain crazy
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:14 AM
freaking newbies, man there slow, ha ha ha
 
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Sheesh, I am glad that I was not on that stretch of road at the same time as rocket boy
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:18 AM
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and now we know why the last guy one.....and he was suppose to be smart.....a future pilot

Ask me ill tell you...........anything I wanna hear

myspace.com/troubleks81

David you are remembered
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:25 AM
bwa
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krys
and now we know why the last guy one.....and he was suppose to be smart.....a future pilot

you numbnuts, they were saying "soon to be a pilot" because his car was gonna become airborne withing seconds
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bwa

you numbnuts, they were saying "soon to be a pilot" because his car was gonna become airborne withing seconds

oops.......

maybe i need to stop working when i read something


Ask me ill tell you...........anything I wanna hear

myspace.com/troubleks81

David you are remembered
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:31 AM
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the JATO story has been around for a while so that one isnt new. i am not sure of the others. pretty funny though

"No dig up stupid."

Chief Quimby
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:32 AM
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I recognized most of these. The are urban legends. Still pretty funny.

There is nothing firm, nothing balanced, nothing durable in all the universe. Nothing remains in its original state, each day, each hour, each moment, there is change. Change is the essence of life. Embrace change as you do life. To fight change is to live in the past.
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:34 AM
BSB > WSBK > MotoGP
 
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OMG...those are ancient. Some are from like 97, and the 'winner' is an urban legend, confirmed bogus by DarwinAwards.com

If you have about 2 hours to waste, check out this story about the possible origins of the JATO-bottle urban legend, it's a great read:
http://www.wagoneers.com/pages/RocketCar/rockit.html

Jeff
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:35 AM
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Actually the guys on Mythbusters did the JATO and proved it was actually that an urban myth, car does not fly.

Sometimes goodbye is your second chance.
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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:44 AM
BSB > WSBK > MotoGP
 
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That show is great....

Jeff
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 10:52 AM
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Now who is gonna be the first to strap a JATO to a bike?

Ride smart... stupid hurts.

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't...

Godspeed 788!!! We miss you!
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 12:21 PM Thread Starter
Mrs. Maxlean
 
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Maybe I should attach a link to this thread to the person that forwarded it to me. I think if they are passing urban legends as Darwin Awards they should at least be nominated for one themselves.

Blueberry
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 02:43 PM
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They may be false, but they are still very funny!

<---- Sky http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v8.../FIREdevil.gif As of 5.25.05 my bike has 28,000 miles. (Goal of 40,000 by the end of the year.)

Well they call me the breeze, cause I keep blowin down the road

My Pics
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-03-2005, 02:51 PM
BSB > WSBK > MotoGP
 
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Not all are false, some of them (like the bungee jumper) are true....

Jeff
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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-08-2005, 12:09 AM
Asphalt tastes bad, kids.
 
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<----Jeff
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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-08-2005, 11:24 AM
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Still funny even though some are not true.
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 06-08-2005, 11:39 AM
a.k.a. jetski,pulaski,...
 
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I remember my highschool physics teacher talking about the JATO one when he was going over acceleration/deceleration

<-- Brian
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