Amazing home remedies - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-16-2005, 11:24 AM Thread Starter
Old Squid on a Blade
 
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Carpentersville
Posts: 9,389
Location: Carpentersville
Sportbike: 2000 929
Years Riding: Longer than most of you have been alive. And I'm still slow.
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Amazing home remedies

I like #8.


1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing t! he pressure in your veins. Remember to use a
timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what ! the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan!

Have a great day!!

There is nothing firm, nothing balanced, nothing durable in all the universe. Nothing remains in its original state, each day, each hour, each moment, there is change. Change is the essence of life. Embrace change as you do life. To fight change is to live in the past.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-16-2005, 11:59 AM
BSB > WSBK > MotoGP
 
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: South Loop & Cary
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#3 is great

Jeff
NESBA #311
'02 GSXR600
'98
Smokin' Joe's F3
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-16-2005, 12:20 PM
King Nothing


 
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My favs 3 & 5. I always hit the snooze button and fall back asleep.

"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-16-2005, 12:37 PM
Need rear sets & Can lift
 
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#6 All the way! Someone try it and let me know how it works.

But not on a group ride

Ken
NESBA #996 I group
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-16-2005, 12:58 PM
Registered User
 
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Streamwood, IL
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yeah, number 5 is me

Perception is NOT always reality
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-16-2005, 02:12 PM
The Victim Newbie
 
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Westchester, IL
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number 6 is great

<-- Chris

turn the bars left and go right; that just isn't right
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-16-2005, 02:25 PM
Old bikes RULE! RIDE ONE!
 
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Location: Clippingtheapex, OH
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Sportbike: Aspencade - sold, GSX-R 1000, GSX 600 F - sold, CB 250, DT 100 A, JR 50
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Hilarious!

But, what about 200 MPH Duct Tape, Chewing gum, and string?

"For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, 'He has a demon.' The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard..."

The first turn is the worst turn, between the left ear and the right one.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 07-10-2005, 08:32 PM
Asphalt tastes bad, kids.
 
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#6

<----Jeff
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