Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 02:19 PM Thread Starter
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Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage

This one's funny! Brighten the day on Wednesday. Don't get offended, these jokes are older than you are!


> Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage
>
> 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
> little beverage, then comes good food and companionship.
> She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
>
> 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario
> and mine is in Tucson.
>
> 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her
> way back.
>
> 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
> anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
> she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
>
> 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
>
> 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and
> electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many
> gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an
> electric chair.
>
> 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
> there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car
> was, she told me, "In the Lake."
>
> 8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
> the mud fell off.
>
> 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
> late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
>
> 10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of
> divorce.
>
> 11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with
> marriage.
>
> 12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first
> name was Always.
>
> 13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't
> like to interrupt her.
>
> 14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's
> on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
>
>

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 02:24 PM
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So bitter yet never married

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

-Herbert Hoover
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 02:30 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by Crazy


So bitter yet never married
Who's bitter? I'm not. Some of those old guy jokes are funny. W.C. Fields was another funny one. A buddy of mine found some old cologne made by him. It burned when you smelled it. I didn't have the guts to actually where the crap.

I have to get all my toys before I get hitched.

Chris

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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 02:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by GroverSV650S


Who's bitter? I'm not. Some of those old guy jokes are funny. W.C. Fields was another funny one. A buddy of mine found some old cologne made by him. It burned when you smelled it. I didn't have the guts to actually where the crap.

I have to get all my toys before I get hitched.

Chris
LOL good idea. It is funny somebody sent me this in an email last week.

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 03:00 PM
Who's faster Lupi
 
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nice list Grover, some are pretty funny.

NESBA #456 Intermediate
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And 1 step behind Kimmy

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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 03:00 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by Crazy


LOL good idea. It is funny somebody sent me this in an email last week.
Yeah, I got it over email. From a girl.

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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 03:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by GroverSV650S


Yeah, I got it over email. From a girl.
If she truly understands marry her now. LOL

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 03:08 PM
"PC" ,my balls
 
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by GroverSV650S


I have to get all my toys before I get hitched.


And then have to sell them all.

My wife thinks we're a bunch of Top Gun wannabes with our call signs, so for future reference, I'm Roger

I've done some things I'm not proud of...and the things I am proud of are disgusting - Moe on the Simpsons
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 03:11 PM
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by bluebusa60544
Quote:
Originally posted by GroverSV650S


I have to get all my toys before I get hitched.


And then have to sell them all.
I almost forgot about that. Let me tell you how much that hurts Grover.

J/K except for my truck I've been pretty lucky so far.

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

-Herbert Hoover
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 03:18 PM
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You just need to find a woman who either has her own toys or wants to play with yours!

Kim
CCS AM #815 - the cute, fuzzy, yellow, spoiled-rotten half of Team Duc Tape!
I break stuff
Duck, duck, duck, GUZ!
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 03:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by KBOlsen
You just need to find a woman who either has her own toys or wants to play with yours!

must....keep....mouth...shut....

must...show...some...respect....


(i'm sure someone else will take care of that comment for me!)
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-16-2002, 03:31 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by Crazy


If she truly understands marry her now. LOL
Can't. Lives far away and seriously dated a friend=off limits.

Speaking of that, I've got to call him and remind him of the party.

Chris

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