CA. letter to Bush, joke - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-12-2005, 05:52 PM Thread Starter
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CA. letter to Bush, joke

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us.

In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast. We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 PM EST this Friday.

Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then.

So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ol' Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that. Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck, the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs. Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. (Ouch, bet that hurts.)

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States' citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.

Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.

With the Blue States in hand, the Democrats have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, over 90% of our pineapple and lettuce, 92% of all fresh fruit production, 93% of the artichoke production, 95% of America's export quality wines, 90% of all cheese production, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the US low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Amherst, Stanford, Berkeley, CalTech and MIT. We can live simply but well.

The Red States, on the other hand, now have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care cost spike), 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of all tornadoes, 90% of all hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, 100% of all Televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. A high price to pay for controlling the presidency. Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually eaten by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% believe that evolution is just a theory, 53% that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11 and - most hard to grasp - 61% that Bush is a person of moral conviction.

Sincerely,
California


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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-12-2005, 08:14 PM
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-13-2005, 12:44 AM
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The Red states would have all the soldiers though so they would just invade the Blue states and then it would be one big happy America again!

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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-13-2005, 07:49 AM
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It's funny because it's true. I can only assume that little perks like legal lane splitting and medical ganja will go along with this then?

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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-13-2005, 10:44 AM
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-13-2005, 11:36 AM
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-13-2005, 07:45 PM
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Ah crap, anyone have a spare room in Illinois? I think New Mexico went red...

<----Jeff
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-13-2005, 09:09 PM
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Whine whine whine. If anyone bothered to look at the breakdown by county of all those "blue" states you'd see that IL was almost entirely red. Only Cook county was blue. The other blue states were the same. Major population centers voted one way, while the entire state voted the other.

But guess what? Its a moot point! Bush won. Get over it and start campaining for your next candidate, Hillary RamRod Clinton!


Oh, and I might be wrong, but I would think its safe to say that the majority of our uniformed personel come from the red counties, not the blue counties. Its general knowledge in recruiting circles, you're going to find more recruits in the smaller towns with lesser economies than in the big cities.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

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Last edited by Chills; 07-13-2005 at 09:12 PM.
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-13-2005, 11:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chills
Bush won. Get over it and start campaining for your next candidate, Hillary RamRod Clinton!
Ah, yes, the lifelong Yankees fan from Park Ridge!
Attached Images
File Type: jpg hillary.jpg (30.1 KB, 13 views)

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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-13-2005, 11:56 PM
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I know it's a joke, but what a bunch of leftist horseshit

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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-14-2005, 05:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YZFAlex
I know it's a joke, but what a bunch of leftist horseshit
Lighten up, if you actually knew it was a joke your response wouldn't have been that.

<----Jeff
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-14-2005, 05:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Honda4Ever
Lighten up, if you actually knew it was a joke your response wouldn't have been that.

Well, if its a poor joke then his response is appropriate. In fact, I think its a pretty poor joke, hence my long post.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-14-2005, 05:41 PM
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California I guess can for go the federal aid after their earthquakes, excessive rain/flooding and blazing fires. Oh and no more farm subsidies for Oregon or Washington or Illinois too now that they are part of the new country. I am moving to Florida

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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-14-2005, 05:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chills
Well, if its a poor joke then his response is appropriate. In fact, I think its a pretty poor joke, hence my long post.
Good, I'll keep that in mind in future posts and replies.

<----Jeff
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-14-2005, 05:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Honda4Ever
Ah crap, anyone have a spare room in Illinois? I think New Mexico went red...
You mean Chicago, the rest of IL is red. Chicago Doesnt speak for the whole state, but then again when daley is running the voting they do I would bet that capone voted in the last election




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post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-14-2005, 05:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HDTony
You mean Chicago, the rest of IL is red. Chicago Doesnt speak for the whole state, but then again when daley is running the voting they do I would bet that capone voted in the last election

That's what I was pointing out in my post, all of IL was red, only Cook county was blue.

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post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-14-2005, 06:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HDTony
You mean Chicago, the rest of IL is red. Chicago Doesnt speak for the whole state, but then again when daley is running the voting they do I would bet that capone voted in the last election
That makes me think though, if Elvis is still alive, does he vote?

Anyway, back on topic, Chills will take me!

<----Jeff
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post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-15-2005, 04:17 PM
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I'd love to see the response to this letter.

Highlights would include:
Good luck hauling all of those pineapples and lettuce without fuel.
While we will honor your request to return your loved ones, we regret to inform you that your former veterans of war will no longer be receiving their pensions. Furthermore, we will cease to protect those lovely beaches. Our relationship with the Japanese has been improving recently, and their purchase of California should be completed by 2010.

I can only assume that the hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants will be granted citizenship, and that they will be allowed into your elite educational system.

The Internet will no longer work, kiss your Tech asses goodbye.

All software piracy laws are now considered null and void.
All video and music piracy laws are now considered null and void.
Since we control the Navy... Piracy laws as a whole are now considered null and void. Arrrrggggg.
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The water off the west coast, as well as the Great Lakes in their entirety are now property of the New United States. If you don't like it, protest... HAHAHAHAHA
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------------------------------------------------------
While I don't agree with much of what Bush is doing, the thought of Hillary in office makes my skin just crawl. I think I'd rather have Bill again.... or maybe Stewie from Family Guy.
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post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-15-2005, 04:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Honda4Ever
That makes me think though, if Elvis is still alive, does he vote?

Anyway, back on topic, Chills will take me!

Yeah, you can move in with me. FYI DuPage county is firmly Red. I think half of the Republicans running on the ballot for county posts didn't have any opposition.

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post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-15-2005, 04:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chills
Yeah, you can move in with me. FYI DuPage county is firmly Red. I think half of the Republicans running on the ballot for county posts didn't have any opposition.
Utopia




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post #21 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-15-2005, 04:28 PM
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oh and after this split off I would like to announce after I am made president that all intercity trucking from blue states to blue states that has to travel through a red state will be charged a toll of 5 centsper mile for each state crossed as well as a $10 surcharge on every gallon of fuel purchased along the way. but then again you wouldnt have anything to ship since most of the mining, manufacturing, and farming is done in the red states. Which of course we will be glad to sell you but there will be a 100% tariff on everything.

Oh did Imention that the rest of IL outside of cook county will be succeeding from the blue state union.




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Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

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Last edited by HDTony; 07-15-2005 at 04:32 PM.
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post #22 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-15-2005, 05:06 PM
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now this is funny

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