come backs for women...... - Chicagoland Sportbikes
Chicagoland Sportbikes
 
The Funny Papers got some funny stuff? Make us laugh.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 09:16 AM Thread Starter
who...me???
 
blueyes34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: wilmington IL
Posts: 200
Location: wilmington IL
Sportbike: 05 katana 750
Years Riding: mmmm many
How you found us: wingit
     
Send a message via AIM to blueyes34 Send a message via Yahoo to blueyes34
come backs for women......

Man:
Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman:
Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man:
Is this seat empty?
Woman:
Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man:
Your place or mine?
Woman:
Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man:
So, what do you do for a living?
Woman:
I'm a female impersonator.

Man:
Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman:
Do not enter.

Man:
How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman:
Unfertilized

Man:
Your body is like a temple.
Woman:
Sorry, there are no services today.

Man:
I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman:
But would you stay there?

Man:
If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman:
If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

if it feels good....DO IT!!!
shauna

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger....and it's usually pretty damn fun too

"If ur gonna ride my ass...at least pull my hair"-StreetChic
blueyes34 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 09:18 AM
Super Moderator

 
Vcook's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Winfield
Posts: 43,230
Location: Winfield
Sportbike: bikeless
Years Riding: 10
How you found us: Shit, you know I'm a clsb OG!
           
Send a message via AIM to Vcook
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat slut.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Is that because you'll be on your knees sucking my cock?

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in the back of my car, I don't give a shit where you go.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: So that's how you got the moustache.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilised.
Man: No problem, I can always shoot my load in your ass.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick thats impossible to shake off once you shag.

Male: Would you like to dance?
Female: I'd rather die.
Male: I think you misheard me. I said your ass looks fat in those jeans

Chris
Vcook is offline  
post #3 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 09:19 AM
BSB > WSBK > MotoGP
 
shadrach's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: South Loop & Cary
Posts: 11,948
Location: South Loop & Cary
Sportbike: '02 GSXR 600 / '98 CBRF3
Years Riding: Since '03
How you found us: Google
           
touche' vcook!

Jeff
NESBA #311
'02 GSXR600
'98
Smokin' Joe's F3
shadrach is offline  
post #4 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 09:20 AM
Super Moderator

 
Vcook's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Winfield
Posts: 43,230
Location: Winfield
Sportbike: bikeless
Years Riding: 10
How you found us: Shit, you know I'm a clsb OG!
           
Send a message via AIM to Vcook
Quote:
Originally Posted by shadrach
touche' vcook!
GOU-FUCKING-LET, BABY!!!

Chris
Vcook is offline  
post #5 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 09:21 AM
Joe
Registered User
 
Joe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Plainfield
Posts: 2,841
Location: Plainfield
Sportbike: 2007 GSX-R600, 2007 KX250F, 2004 YZ450F, 2006 CRF50
Years Riding: As long as I been ridin your mama
How you found us: Joemama
           
Send a message via MSN to Joe Send a message via Yahoo to Joe
Can't wait to see the ladies add another line. This is going to be fun.
Joe is offline  
post #6 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 09:25 AM
Administrator
 
HDTony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Plainfield IL
Posts: 45,956
Location: Plainfield IL
Sportbike: A couple of pasta rockets
Years Riding: Since 1989
How you found us: In the beginning there was CLSB and Tony saw that it was good.
           
Send a message via AIM to HDTony


The vcook stikes again




HDTony.... Damn glad to meet you!

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

- Ronald Reagan

AirTek Heating & Air inc.
HDTony is offline  
post #7 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 09:29 AM
Ride Red, DO WORK SON!!
 
SmokinJohn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Illinois (Joliet)
Posts: 4,666
Location: Illinois (Joliet)
Sportbike: Rockets & Harleys
Years Riding: Me love you long time
How you found us: CLSB DECAL
           
Damn VCOOK in all of two minutes too 9:16 hers / 9;18 yours WOW!!

That man is fast, on the draw!!!!!

Skillz....

***Ashwin RIP Brotha you will be missed***




www.dcdecals.net www.firespeed.com


Life's Journey Is Not To Arrive At The Grave Safely In A Well Preserved Body, But Rather To Skid In Sideways, Totally Worn Out, Shouting "HOLY SHIT... What A Ride!"

All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never under estimate your opponent (mentality). Expect the unexpected (could work out in your favor). Two, take it outside(or to a table). Never start anything inside the Bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.



Turning Shit into Sugar!!
SmokinJohn is offline  
post #8 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 09:35 AM Thread Starter
who...me???
 
blueyes34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: wilmington IL
Posts: 200
Location: wilmington IL
Sportbike: 05 katana 750
Years Riding: mmmm many
How you found us: wingit
     
Send a message via AIM to blueyes34 Send a message via Yahoo to blueyes34
Why Women are the Luckier Sex Part 1
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. We never ejaculate prematurely.
4. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
5. When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When men buy a blowup doll, it's pathetic.
6. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
7. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
8. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
9. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
10. Taxis stop for us.
11. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
12. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
13. Free drinks, free dinners, free moving (you get the point?).

if it feels good....DO IT!!!
shauna

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger....and it's usually pretty damn fun too

"If ur gonna ride my ass...at least pull my hair"-StreetChic
blueyes34 is offline  
post #9 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 09:41 AM
pfft.
 
ill_ag's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Houston
Posts: 11,644
Location: Houston
Sportbike: 01 F4i (Well, I HAD one, anyway)
Years Riding: 7
How you found us: I google myself regularly
           
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueyes34
Why Women are the Luckier Sex Part 1
9. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Wow, now I feel like a total doofus for having lusted after Handy Smurf.

Last edited by ill_ag; 12-30-2006 at 09:46 AM.
ill_ag is offline  
post #10 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 12:07 PM
King Nothing


 
Kegger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Ur Moms House
Posts: 17,944
Location: Ur Moms House
Sportbike: I ride Ur Mom
Years Riding: As long as Ive known Ur Mom
How you found us: u found me
           
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
Male: Would you like to dance?
Female: I'd rather die.
Male: I think you misheard me. I said your ass looks fat in those jeans
Easier to convince her thats what you really said if it rhymes

Example:
Male: Would you like to dance?
Female: I'd rather die.
Male: I think you misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants!


"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."
Kegger is offline  
post #11 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 12:40 PM
Moderator
 
Chills's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 23,640
Location: Naperville, IL
Sportbike: Kawi ZX-10R
Years Riding: Since February 2012
How you found us: NESBA bbs
           
Send a message via Yahoo to Chills
Awesome, Vcook! EMR!!!


Blueyes, I like your second post, especially #8. My ex-wife never got a speeding ticket. Everytime she was driving when we got pulled over she would just giggle and smile and say sorry she didn't know she was driving that fast. Never a ticket. My ass got pulled over for doing 41 in a 35 and got a ticket.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
Chills is offline  
post #12 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 12:58 PM Thread Starter
who...me???
 
blueyes34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: wilmington IL
Posts: 200
Location: wilmington IL
Sportbike: 05 katana 750
Years Riding: mmmm many
How you found us: wingit
     
Send a message via AIM to blueyes34 Send a message via Yahoo to blueyes34
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
- The man.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
- When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.

Why are men like commercials?
- You can't believe a word they say.

Why are men like popcorn?
- They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Why are men like blenders?
- You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Why do so many women fake orgasm?
- Because so many men fake foreplay.

Why are women so bad at mathematics?
- Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches.

What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
- Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
- Sex.

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
- When the power goes off.

What do men and women have in common?
- They both distrust men.

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
- Guilt gifts are nicer.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
- What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins

Why do men have a hole in their penis?
- So oxygen can get to their brains.

if it feels good....DO IT!!!
shauna

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger....and it's usually pretty damn fun too

"If ur gonna ride my ass...at least pull my hair"-StreetChic

Last edited by blueyes34; 07-22-2005 at 01:21 PM.
blueyes34 is offline  
post #13 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 01:07 PM
Registered User
 
logtar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Glenview
Posts: 5,054
Location: Glenview
Sportbike: CURRENTLY LOOKING
Years Riding: since I was 8
How you found us: The NET is MINE
           
pwned

Logtar - John

My Blog - @Logtar - Google+
logtar is offline  
post #14 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 01:44 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Woodridge
Posts: 585
Location: Woodridge
Sportbike: 99 Honda CBR600F4
Years Riding: 7
How you found us: Honda Sportsbike Network
           
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueyes34
13. Free drinks, free dinners, free moving (you get the point?).

And all you have to do is put out. They should make that into a profession or something.
Slycer is offline  
post #15 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 01:53 PM
CLSB's Florida Chapter.
 
MoparBoyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Apopka, Florida
Posts: 22,652
Location: Apopka, Florida
Sportbike: Ducati
Years Riding: 3 days
How you found us: unemployment office
           
Send a message via AIM to MoparBoyy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
Male: Would you like to dance?
Female: I'd rather die.
Male: I think you misheard me. I said your ass looks fat in those jeans
OMG.. i totally have to use this one..

-Mopar

1997 Dodge Viper GTS
2013 Dodge Dart Rallye
MoparBoyy is offline  
post #16 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 01:57 PM
CLSB's Florida Chapter.
 
MoparBoyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Apopka, Florida
Posts: 22,652
Location: Apopka, Florida
Sportbike: Ducati
Years Riding: 3 days
How you found us: unemployment office
           
Send a message via AIM to MoparBoyy
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueyes34
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
- Because so many men fake foreplay.
i think..

"Woman can fake orgasms... Men can fake entire relationships"

-Mopar

1997 Dodge Viper GTS
2013 Dodge Dart Rallye
MoparBoyy is offline  
post #17 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:08 PM
Moderator
 
Chills's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 23,640
Location: Naperville, IL
Sportbike: Kawi ZX-10R
Years Riding: Since February 2012
How you found us: NESBA bbs
           
Send a message via Yahoo to Chills
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoparBoyy
i think..

"Woman can fake orgasms... Men can fake entire relationships"

+1!!!

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
Chills is offline  
post #18 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:08 PM
GHETTOFABULOUS
 
Redbusa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Batavia
Posts: 118
Location: Batavia
Sportbike: 04 LE TURBO
Years Riding: 7 YRS
How you found us: written on a bathroom stall
           
Send a message via AIM to Redbusa
11. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.


Its the only option that we have left!!! Easier than divorce
Redbusa is offline  
post #19 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:11 PM
Moderator
 
Chills's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 23,640
Location: Naperville, IL
Sportbike: Kawi ZX-10R
Years Riding: Since February 2012
How you found us: NESBA bbs
           
Send a message via Yahoo to Chills
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueyes34
Man:
If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman:
If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

How would you be able to laugh with my my monsterous cock jammed down your throat and my balls slapping your chin? You'd be gagging too much.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
Chills is offline  
post #20 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:13 PM
Super Moderator

 
Vcook's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Winfield
Posts: 43,230
Location: Winfield
Sportbike: bikeless
Years Riding: 10
How you found us: Shit, you know I'm a clsb OG!
           
Send a message via AIM to Vcook
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chills
How would you be able to laugh with my my monsterous cock jammed down your throat and my balls slapping your chin? You'd be gagging too much.
jeezus. easy cougar.

Chris
Vcook is offline  
post #21 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:15 PM Thread Starter
who...me???
 
blueyes34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: wilmington IL
Posts: 200
Location: wilmington IL
Sportbike: 05 katana 750
Years Riding: mmmm many
How you found us: wingit
     
Send a message via AIM to blueyes34 Send a message via Yahoo to blueyes34
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chills
How would you be able to laugh with my my monsterous cock jammed down your throat and my balls slapping your chin? You'd be gagging too much.
I'vbe offen wondered what it would be like to have a gag reflex...........

if it feels good....DO IT!!!
shauna

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger....and it's usually pretty damn fun too

"If ur gonna ride my ass...at least pull my hair"-StreetChic
blueyes34 is offline  
post #22 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:18 PM
Moderator
 
Chills's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 23,640
Location: Naperville, IL
Sportbike: Kawi ZX-10R
Years Riding: Since February 2012
How you found us: NESBA bbs
           
Send a message via Yahoo to Chills
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vcook
jeezus. easy cougar.

Sorry, I don't know what came over me.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
Chills is offline  
post #23 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:19 PM
pfft.
 
ill_ag's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Houston
Posts: 11,644
Location: Houston
Sportbike: 01 F4i (Well, I HAD one, anyway)
Years Riding: 7
How you found us: I google myself regularly
           
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueyes34
I'vbe offen wondered what it would be like to have a gag reflex...........

THat was great!
I hear wse...he should be around this thread any minute now.
ill_ag is offline  
post #24 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:20 PM
pfft.
 
ill_ag's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Houston
Posts: 11,644
Location: Houston
Sportbike: 01 F4i (Well, I HAD one, anyway)
Years Riding: 7
How you found us: I google myself regularly
           
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chills
Sorry, I don't know what came over me.
It certainly wasn't me.
ill_ag is offline  
post #25 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:22 PM
Moderator
 
Chills's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 23,640
Location: Naperville, IL
Sportbike: Kawi ZX-10R
Years Riding: Since February 2012
How you found us: NESBA bbs
           
Send a message via Yahoo to Chills
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueyes34
I'vbe offen wondered what it would be like to have a gag reflex...........
I have heard legends of women like you.... though I did not believe them until now.

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
Chills is offline  
post #26 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:23 PM
Moderator
 
Chills's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 23,640
Location: Naperville, IL
Sportbike: Kawi ZX-10R
Years Riding: Since February 2012
How you found us: NESBA bbs
           
Send a message via Yahoo to Chills
Quote:
Originally Posted by ill_ag
It certainly wasn't me.


I can't think of any response... ya got me!

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
Chills is offline  
post #27 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 02:26 PM Thread Starter
who...me???
 
blueyes34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: wilmington IL
Posts: 200
Location: wilmington IL
Sportbike: 05 katana 750
Years Riding: mmmm many
How you found us: wingit
     
Send a message via AIM to blueyes34 Send a message via Yahoo to blueyes34
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chills
I have heard legends of women like you.... though I did not believe them until now.
.....ahh I'm full of suprises just like most women

if it feels good....DO IT!!!
shauna

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger....and it's usually pretty damn fun too

"If ur gonna ride my ass...at least pull my hair"-StreetChic
blueyes34 is offline  
post #28 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 03:54 PM
Registered User
 
Kruz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: West of 59, North of 88
Posts: 18,885
Location: West of 59, North of 88
Sportbike: 05 CRF50
Years Riding: "Since 1992"
How you found us: You found me
           
Get a room...all of you! WTF did you start Vcook?
Kruz is offline  
post #29 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 04:01 PM
Your friendly Crazy Canuk
 
RickC1957's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Barrington, Illinois
Posts: 12,731
Location: Barrington, Illinois
Sportbike: Ducati ST3 2005 Gloss Black, Monster 620, 2007 Sport Classic 1000
Years Riding: Crashing sucessfully since 1969
How you found us: Thru favorednation (ron)
           
Send a message via AIM to RickC1957 Send a message via Yahoo to RickC1957
Quote:
Originally Posted by ill_ag
It certainly wasn't me.

Sometimes goodbye is your second chance.
RickC1957 is offline  
post #30 of 49 (permalink) Old 07-22-2005, 04:11 PM
Moderator
 
Chills's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 23,640
Location: Naperville, IL
Sportbike: Kawi ZX-10R
Years Riding: Since February 2012
How you found us: NESBA bbs
           
Send a message via Yahoo to Chills
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kruz
Get a room...all of you! WTF did you start Vcook?

All of us in one room? (minus Vcook of course) Oh yeah...

Never a bad time to climb... unless the weather is really horrible, and then you climb inside!

I bleed GREEN
Chills is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Chicagoland Sportbikes forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome