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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-27-2005, 11:10 PM Thread Starter
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Location: west chicago
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read this now!

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER WRITTEN

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each
other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.

The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again.
But that was just
the
wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never
wanted to be the first
one
to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you
who would come
crawling
back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I
see that my
pride's
cost me a lot of things.

I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care
about looking bad
anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long
as one of us
does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as
loudly as our
hurt. And
this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you,
Connie." I look
for
you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but
they're not
you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and
brought her home with
me. I
don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the
depth of my
desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of
those perfect bodies
that
only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can
give you. I
mean,
just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe
and an ass that
just
wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat
on the couch
being
blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff
we've made important
in
our lives. It's all so sup! erficial .

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better
in bed Well, in
this
case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it
make her a better
person? Does she have a better heart than my
moderately attractive
Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of
that before. I
don't
know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of
throat yogurt, I
found
myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?"
It wasn't just
her
flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger,
but something
else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so
incomplete?

And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because
you weren't there
to
watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same
without you.
Connie,
I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do
just reminds me
of
you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the
Holiday Inn lounge
last
year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of
lasagna. She said
she
figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around.
I didn't know
what
she meant till later, but that's not the real story.
Anyway, we had a
few
glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're
banging away in our
old
bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack.
She's giving me
everything, you know, like a real woman does when
she's not hung up
about
her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear
us. And all of a
sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your
grandmother's old
vanity. So
she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so
we can watch
ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad,
too. Cause I
can't
help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror
on the
floor? We've
had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never
used it as a sex
! toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the
restraining order. I
mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a
pretty good head on
her
shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during
this painful time.
She's
given me lots of good advice about you and about women
in general. She's
pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she
really is. So we're
doing
Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about
happier
times. Here's
this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I
can do is think of
how
much she looked like you when you were 18. And that
just about makes me
cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the
whole anal thing,
that
gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured
you about trying it
and
how that probably fueled some of the bitterness
between us.

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting
inside your baby
sister's
cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's
true, Connie. In your
heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start
over? Just wipe
out
all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we
can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me
know. Otherwise, can
you
let me know where the ****ing remote is.

Love, Dan.

The Guitar Workshop
Plainfield, Il.
630-989-9620
http://theguitarworkshoponline.com/
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-27-2005, 11:23 PM
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That Is Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

------------------------------------------------
-Heesh

I can't wait for the summer...
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-27-2005, 11:23 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: BOLINGBROOK
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Awesome.... Simply Awesome.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-27-2005, 11:24 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: west chicago
Posts: 302
Location: west chicago
Sportbike: 2009 zx6r
Years Riding: 17
How you found us: search
           
i know...i know....i got it off another site

The Guitar Workshop
Plainfield, Il.
630-989-9620
http://theguitarworkshoponline.com/
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-28-2005, 12:32 AM
I want some cake!
 
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Cibolo, TX
Posts: 4,761
Location: Cibolo, TX
Sportbike: 2007 R1 & 2004 Yamaha FZ-1
Years Riding: Thru the winter into summer
How you found us: Yahoo FZ-1 Group
           
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Can you feel the love?

I saved it. Just a classic. One for the guys. Typically we get the abuse as playa, playa, and we're all not. This is really good.

I might apply this to an ex girlfriend.

Loki is commentator for other sites as well as the publications: Who's Booty Is That On My Face Magazine, Fart Life and written the self-help book, What To Say To Comments About Your Crack Whore Mom.
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