ok...here's one for the ladies...continuation from ATM thread (kind-of)... - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-12-2005, 06:16 PM Thread Starter
I want my two dollars...
 
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ok...here's one for the ladies...continuation from ATM thread (kind-of)...

part deux... LMAO!!!

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull in to local Speedy-Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 29 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent: Oil Change $26.70
Coffee FREE Total $26.70 (Plus a free car wash)

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box-end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta' finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to NAPA to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kid's sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00 But, hey, you know the job was done right!



Matt
NESBA #347 "I"
2004 YAMAHA R1
2006 Roadstar Warrior
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-13-2005, 06:00 PM
slow poke on a liter bike
 
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Dude that's funny!!!

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-13-2005, 06:27 PM
She Calls me Google...
 
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That is to funny.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 10:11 AM
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 10:16 AM
Social Events Goddess
 
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I love it!!!

Its so true

Ask me ill tell you...........anything I wanna hear

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David you are remembered
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 12:18 PM
The Victim Newbie
 
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that is funny

<-- Chris

turn the bars left and go right; that just isn't right
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 12:19 PM
Puppy Love!
 
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That's a good one!!!! I'm going to have to forward that to a few people!!!

KJ
_____________________________________________
The CLSB Bitch Wrecking Crew

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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 02:27 PM
1,2,3,4,fif!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yamaweezle
... Total - - $4,165.00 But, hey, you know the job was done right!
I like that line the best
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 06:10 PM Thread Starter
I want my two dollars...
 
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34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

i love those lines the best...LOL

Matt
NESBA #347 "I"
2004 YAMAHA R1
2006 Roadstar Warrior
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 06:22 PM
YO MAMA
 
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i must have a nasty mind, i thought of something differant, when you mentioned "women" and "ATM"



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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 06:43 PM
Asphalt tastes bad, kids.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Odysseys
i must have a nasty mind
You just realize this now? May I refer you to your thread on the V.I.P. strip club?

<----Jeff
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 10:33 PM
Your friendly Crazy Canuk
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Honda4Ever
You just realize this now? May I refer you to your thread on the V.I.P. strip club?

Zing

Sometimes goodbye is your second chance.
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 10:58 PM
" It Time To Ride "
 
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That good one!!!!!!

US MARINE CORP
"Semper Fi''

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