Office Bathroom Etiquette - Chicagoland Sportbikes
Chicagoland Sportbikes
 
The Funny Papers got some funny stuff? Make us laugh.

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-26-2005, 04:09 PM Thread Starter
Puppy Love!
 
Gixx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Aurora
Posts: 3,462
Location: Aurora
Sportbike: 05' Gixxer 6
Years Riding: Grew up in the dirt, going on my 7th season on the street..
How you found us: Homer Simpson
           
Send a message via AIM to Gixx Send a message via Yahoo to Gixx
Office Bathroom Etiquette

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles or at our desks and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, the following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING -


When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been
expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY -

The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a........

FREQUENT FLYER -


People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE -

A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not
happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK -

When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH -


The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the -----

WALK OF SHAME -

Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell
does not exist. This can be avoided with the use of the "COURTESY FLUSH".

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER -


A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an "Out Of The Closet Pooper" enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the "Out Of The Closet Pooper" before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -

A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of "Out Of The Closet Poopers", and identify and locate ----

SAFE HAVENS -


Seldom-used bathrooms somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR -

Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH -

A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can also be used to cover-up a ----

WATERMELON -

A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion.

Or:

To alert potential Turd Burglars, use in conjunction with an -

ASTAIRE -

A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can
poop in peace.

HAVANAOMELET -

A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED -

A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees



KJ
_____________________________________________
The CLSB Bitch Wrecking Crew

Quote:
I'm here to chew some bubble gum, and kick some ass.......and I'm all out of bubblegum!!
MySpace
XBox Live - Gixx009
Gixx is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-26-2005, 04:10 PM
King Nothing


 
Kegger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Ur Moms House
Posts: 17,944
Location: Ur Moms House
Sportbike: I ride Ur Mom
Years Riding: As long as Ive known Ur Mom
How you found us: u found me
           
Oldy but goodie.......especially watch for the turd burgler!

"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."
Kegger is offline  
post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-26-2005, 04:12 PM
" It Time To Ride "
 
Justmax's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Fairview hgts
Posts: 1,595
Location: Fairview hgts
Sportbike: Suzuki GSX-R750
Years Riding: 20+
How you found us: Long search for motorcycle clubs online
           
Send a message via MSN to Justmax
Talking

Were do you people get this stuff from.

US MARINE CORP
"Semper Fi''

Justmax is offline  
post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-26-2005, 04:14 PM
well i got my knee down BUT, i need a new side panel
 
FastMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Mt Prospect IL
Posts: 1,539
Location: Mt Prospect IL
Sportbike: 1993 cbr 900rr
Years Riding: Born to RIDE
How you found us: seen you guys before the minnesota ride at a gas station on route 72
 
I sit here with my cheeks apart, waiting for a powerful fart, hold a lighter to my ass, want to burn some natural gas
FastMan is offline  
post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-26-2005, 07:50 PM
Human lawn dart
 
rdrash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Palatine
Posts: 5,746
Location: Palatine
Sportbike: 03 ninja 6r 05 ttr-230 04 klx300r
Years Riding: 12
How you found us: I know all
           
Send a message via AIM to rdrash
What about the guy that wants to talk to you while your taking a piss.

I've got 3 at my office. I'm really not thinking about that damned meeting while I'm pissing

I'm not short. I'm aerodynamically efficient.

Anti Helmet Laws Pro Darwinism
MotoGP 200 mph no roll cage
NESBA # 599
rdrash is offline  
post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-26-2005, 08:23 PM
RIDER SEARCHING FOR A RID
 
ECLIPSE's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: GARY, IN
Posts: 1,199
Location: GARY, IN
Sportbike: '02 NINJA ZX9R, WTB '98 & up ZX9R
Years Riding: 10
How you found us: SEARCH ENGINE
           
Send a message via Yahoo to ECLIPSE
Quote:
Originally Posted by rdrash
What about the guy that wants to talk to you while your taking a piss.

I've got 3 at my office. I'm really not thinking about that damned meeting while I'm pissing

I hate those types. I'm just not too comfortable talking to another dude with Johnson in hand.

ZX9 - THE LEGEND LIVES ON!
ECLIPSE is offline  
post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-27-2005, 07:56 PM
Asphalt tastes bad, kids.
 
Honda4Ever's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,544
Location: New Mexico
Sportbike: Boo-Boo('02 Black/Yellow F4i)
Years Riding: 3
How you found us: My brother is on here.
    
Send a message via Yahoo to Honda4Ever
With public restrooms, I don't even ask for a courtesy flush anymore.

I just ask they flush!

<----Jeff
Honda4Ever is offline  
post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-27-2005, 08:00 PM
Enjoying Life!!
 
CHeYeNNe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Cruising Around Enjoying Life!!
Posts: 17,774
Location: Cruising Around Enjoying Life!!
Sportbike: 09 Night Rod Black Denim
Years Riding: Not Long Enuff!!!!
How you found us: Friends
           


I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later!!
CHeYeNNe is offline  
post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-27-2005, 08:05 PM
Tom
 
QuickStudy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Minooka
Posts: 642
Location: Minooka
Sportbike: 2001 R6
Years Riding: Since 2001
How you found us: old member of sbn
      
QuickStudy is offline  
post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-28-2005, 06:24 AM
Registered User
 
JRSMAIL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Johnsburg, Il
Posts: 9,428
Location: Johnsburg, Il
Sportbike: A weed wacker
Years Riding: Just started today as a matter of fact..
How you found us: A dream I had once
           
Send a message via MSN to JRSMAIL
I like the crop dusting one and used it many times.

Jon
MSF Instructor


<---- Useless

Always Stand For What You Believe In... Even If Means You Stand Alone...
JRSMAIL is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Chicagoland Sportbikes forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome