For the Ladies...Hair Removal - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 01:19 PM Thread Starter
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For the Ladies...Hair Removal

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull
the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so
I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"yeah...right!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I
can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!

I'm blind! Blinded from pain!....OH MY GOD! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RRIIPP! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX?

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.

CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

DAMN! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?

WRONG!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -
"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH! Right! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.
Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. " It works! IT WORKS! " I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!.

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

EDIT: TO CLARIFY, I DIDNT DO THIS!!! im not stupid i go have it done

Ask me ill tell you...........anything I wanna hear

myspace.com/troubleks81

David you are remembered

Last edited by Krys; 09-15-2005 at 01:31 PM.
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 01:25 PM
I want some cake!
 
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Smooth as silk?

damn.

Too many things to crack on so I won't. I'm sure others will though. But glad you didn't fall and bust your head open or something.

I've always appreciated the trouble women go thru (legs, arm pits, moustaches, etc.). But never demanded it.

Good goin Krys.

Edit to the Edit: Oh.

Loki is commentator for other sites as well as the publications: Who's Booty Is That On My Face Magazine, Fart Life and written the self-help book, What To Say To Comments About Your Crack Whore Mom.

Last edited by Loki_D_Wolf; 09-15-2005 at 01:38 PM.
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 01:27 PM
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Ouch!!!

That is a prime example why you don't buy do-it-at-home kits, go to the professional....

Is there any wax marks in your tub?

Glad to hear that everything is back to normal.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 01:28 PM
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 01:29 PM Thread Starter
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Edit: B4 This Goes Any Further, For Clarification I Didnt Do This!!!

Ask me ill tell you...........anything I wanna hear

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David you are remembered
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 01:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krys
Edit: B4 This Goes Any Further, For Clarification I Didnt Do This!!!
Nice one!

Ride smart... stupid hurts.

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't...

Godspeed 788!!! We miss you!
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 01:45 PM Thread Starter
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i didnt even think of putting that in here until i read the responces

Ask me ill tell you...........anything I wanna hear

myspace.com/troubleks81

David you are remembered
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 01:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krys
i didnt even think of putting that in here until i read the responces
And you've been on the board how long??

Ride smart... stupid hurts.

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't...

Godspeed 788!!! We miss you!
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 01:58 PM Thread Starter
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yeah i know i should of known better

Ask me ill tell you...........anything I wanna hear

myspace.com/troubleks81

David you are remembered
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 03:01 PM
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Wadda ya mean for the ladies? This happened to me just last week....OUCH!

"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 03:17 PM
It's on the left.
 
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I have the perfect way for painless hair removal.

It is about a three week process though.

First week: Go in for chemo treatment everyday for 4 hours, five days in a row.

Second and Third week: Only have to go in on Tuesday for an hour. Pretty easy.

During the third week you will start to notice a little hair on your pillow. Not to worry. It just means it is working. If you are able to pinch your hair and it comes out in clumps then you are ready for the last process.

Take your handy dandy lint roller. The one that is like tape that you use to remove pet hair from your nice black pants. Roll it over the areas that you want the hair removed. When the roller is full, just tear off that layer.

LIVESTRONG

I survived another year.

My Flickr Pictures

Last edited by uniball; 12-28-2006 at 08:55 AM.
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 06:57 PM
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DAMN. I had the picture in my head of you glued to the tub. Im still gonna believe it was you....

Its not how fast you get there,But the condition you arrive.
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 07:09 PM
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i only looked at this thread cause i thought there might be bikini wax pictures
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 08:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cronos22
i only looked at this thread cause i thought there might be bikini wax pictures
+1

<----Jeff
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-15-2005, 09:15 PM
pfft.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cronos22
i only looked at this thread cause i thought there might be bikini wax pictures
eww. bikini, yes, but wax? it's really not something you want to see, I promise.
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-16-2005, 04:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ill_ag
eww. bikini, yes, but wax? it's really not something you want to see, I promise.
well....not if it's some kinda nasty waxy build up like ear wax that's just collected in the bikini region due to poor hygene of course ..i was thinking it was a thread dedicated to clean and lovely ladies who had tips on keeping that area something of a "showplace" ...and possibly there were pictures...cause i'm a filthy old bastard
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-16-2005, 05:55 PM
Asphalt tastes bad, kids.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cronos22
well....not if it's some kinda nasty waxy build up like ear wax that's just collected in the bikini region due to poor hygene of course ..i was thinking it was a thread dedicated to clean and lovely ladies who had tips on keeping that area something of a "showplace" ...and possibly there were pictures...cause i'm a filthy old bastard
My goodness, WHY DID I JUST READ THIS. *shudder*

<----Jeff
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-16-2005, 06:05 PM
SICK OF IT ALL
 
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-17-2005, 12:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Honda4Ever
My goodness, WHY DID I JUST READ THIS. *shudder*
aaaaahhhh my favorite responce ...shock and disgust
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