Sad little jokes - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-24-2005, 08:24 AM Thread Starter
I'm a blessed man
 
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Sad little jokes

Sad little jokes.

These can be useful however in the rare instance that you need to masquerade around as a complete dweeb in order to dissuade unwanted attention from unattractive members of the opposite sex...

- A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my
legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off
your arms!"

- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

- Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull
before.

- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got
married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
was excellent.

- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

- Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

- A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the
road."

- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the
other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass
of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."

- An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The
kids were nothing to look at either.

- Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the
bar tender here?"

- A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm
sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

- Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns
to the other and says "Dam!".

- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.

- Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
electron,"
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

- Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend
dental medication.

- A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting
in an open foyer."

- A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen
Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

- These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to
close down, but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival florist hired Hugh McTaggart, the roughest and
most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.

- Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
of the time, which produced an impressive set of
calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him .(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.

- And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to a bunch of drummers, with the hope that at
least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in
ten did.

Ron Hix
MTD CR #975
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-24-2005, 08:53 AM
Slow Old Guy.
 
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Thanks Ron, a few cute ones to start the day. The clown one was my favorite.

===========
Great Quote - One would think that the Secret Service was smart enough to get serviced secretly.

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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-24-2005, 09:14 AM
Is this Russia?
 
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Aw man - those were great. Keep 'em coming!
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