Marital SEX - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-23-2002, 02:18 PM Thread Starter
IDK WTF TO PUT HERE NOW!
 
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Talking Marital SEX

TO MY DEAR WIFE:



During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.





I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.



The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:



54 times the sheets were clean

17 times it was too late

49 times you were too tired

20 times it was too hot

15 times you pretended to be sleep

22 times you had a headache

17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

16 times you said you were too sore

12 times it was the wrong time of the month

19 times you had to get up early

9 times you said weren't in the mood

7 times you were sunburned

6 times you were watching the late show

5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo

3 times you said the neighbors would hear us

9 times you said your mother would hear us



Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:



6 times you just laid there

8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling

4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with

7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished

1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move



KEEP READING.......



================================================== ========



TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:



I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:



5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

36 times you did not come home at all

21 times you didn't cum

33 times you came too soon

19 times you went soft before you got in

38 times you worked too late

10 times you got cramps in your toes

29 times you had to get up early to play golf

2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls

4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

3 times you had a cold and your nose was running

2 times you had a splinter in your finger

20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day

6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book

98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV



Of the times we did get together:



The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-23-2002, 02:23 PM
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funny Rob

Brian (F.K.A. Crazy)

Gamertag: CRAZY403


“You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-Abraham Lincoln


“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.”

-Herbert Hoover
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-23-2002, 04:39 PM
Who's faster Lupi
 
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Umm bob, Beth didn't think that was all that funny. And she wants to know why your an authority on this

NESBA #456 Intermediate
Always 1 step ahead of Lupi. 1:24:7 BHF
And 1 step behind Kimmy

"SoB gets to spend yet ANOTHER season faster than me." -LUPI-
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-23-2002, 06:43 PM Thread Starter
IDK WTF TO PUT HERE NOW!
 
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Join Date: Apr 2002
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Quote:
Originally posted by Champ91
Umm bob, Beth didn't think that was all that funny. And she wants to know why your an authority on this
Just add "PRE" in front of "Marital Sex!"
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-23-2002, 08:49 PM
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Thats some funny crap. Lupi will soon feel the pain that all the rest of us married stiffs know all too well! Congratulations Lupi .

Oh by the way marriage is the f-ing you get for the f-ing you got.

J/K I am happily married for about three months now. Lets see how long that will last.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-23-2002, 10:44 PM
Who's faster Lupi
 
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Join Date: Apr 2002
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hehe Lupi is a LOOOOOOOONG way from marriage. Ya gota date someone first.

NESBA #456 Intermediate
Always 1 step ahead of Lupi. 1:24:7 BHF
And 1 step behind Kimmy

"SoB gets to spend yet ANOTHER season faster than me." -LUPI-
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-24-2002, 10:10 AM
Old Squid on a Blade
 
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Being married, I resemble that remark.

There is nothing firm, nothing balanced, nothing durable in all the universe. Nothing remains in its original state, each day, each hour, each moment, there is change. Change is the essence of life. Embrace change as you do life. To fight change is to live in the past.
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