lets hear your stupid jokes. - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:17 PM Thread Starter
YO MAMA
 
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lets hear your stupid jokes.

heres one of mine.


whats the job differance between a OBY and a Dentist?


















































the teeth!



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post #2 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:20 PM
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You ever heard the joke about the bear and the rabbit taking a shit in the woods?


No?






Ok, theres a bear and rabbit taking a shit in the woods and they are facing each other. The bear goes to the rabbit, you have problems with shit sticking to your fur. The rabbit said no, so the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with him.

"I pity the poor people who don't ride motorcycles"
-Malcolm Smith, champion motorcycle racer

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post #3 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:21 PM
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Why don't cave men drag their women by the feet?










They fill up with mud.
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post #4 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:21 PM
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The teeth

===========
Great Quote - One would think that the Secret Service was smart enough to get serviced secretly.

MotoVid hasbeen
NESBA hasbeen

CCS neverbeen
WERA neverbeen
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post #5 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:22 PM
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I thought it was a booger but its not

I dreamt that I swallowed a giant marshmellow and when I woke up... my pillow was gone.

What kind of bees make the most milk?
























Boobies.
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post #6 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:22 PM
Slow Old Guy.
 
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Why don'tblind people skydive ?
It scares the shit out of the dog .

There are two statues in the park-a man and a woman that have been facing each other for 70 years. One day Gods sends down a bolt of lightning that brings them to life.
They look at each other, run and meet halfway, join hands, then disappear into the woods. A half hour later, they come staggering out breathing heavily.
The woman looks at the man, smiles, and pants, " Let's rest up awhile, and then do it again." The man agrees, " Okay, only this time, you hold the pigeons and I'll shit on them ! "

What are two words you don't want to hear when you're standing at a public urinal ?
Nice dick.

Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus ?
Your wife will blow your bonus.

How do you keep a bunch of mexicans from attacking a girl ?
Tell them its work.

How is a pussy like a clam ?
You eat them one at a time, they smell fishy, and they'er worth the effort it takes to get them open.

What dose an 850-pound gerbil do for kicks ?
He shoves gay guys up his ass.

Whats the difference between being a dentist and being a gynecologist ?
The teeth.

What has two grey legs and two brown legs ?
An elephant with diarrhea.

A tall, hansome Polish kid is helping a middle-aged divorcee to her car with her grocries.
As they get to the parking lot, she smiles and says, "I've got an itchy pussy. "
He says " Well you better point it out, lady .All them japanese cars look the same to me."

Did you hear about the Polish guy who bought a toilet brush ?
Two weeks later, he went back to paper.

Did you hear about the jewish car accident?
No damage to the car but fortunately everyone inside was hurt.

A lesbian goes to the gynecologist. As he's examing her, the gynecologist say's " Lady, you have the cleanest vagina I've ever seen."
She says " Well, I have a woman who comes in twice a week. "

How many male chauvinists dose it take to screw in a kitchen light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

How do you know when its time to do the dishes and clean the place up?
Look down the front of your pants, if there's a dick there, it ain't time yet.

Why do mexicans like small stearing wheels?
So they can drive whith handcuffs on.

How can you tell when a baby wasn't wanted?
When its born whith a coat hanger up its ass.

Where are two places that even the most undesirable people can get laid?
Prison and animal shelters.

The old graybeard walked up to the hot, little jailbait number at the bar
and said " where have you been all my life, sweet thing?"
"Teething" she replied.

Whats the differece between a bulldyke and an elephant?
Aboutten pounds and a flannel shirt.

After his annual checkup, Mickael was shocked to learn that he had somehow contracted a rare disease and had only 12 hours to live.
Arriving home in utter despair, he told his wife the terrible news and began to cry. Overcome with grief, Lorretta hugged him tightly and said, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget!"
Whereupon they went to bed early and made passionate love with an ardor they hadn't felt in years. When they were done, Michael turned to his wife and said,"Honey, that was wonderful-the best we've ever had. Can we do it again?". This time it was even more passionate. Later, as
Loretta was about to doze off, Michael gave her a nudge and said,
"Honey, come on. How about one more time?"
"Thats easy for you to say," retorted his wife. "You don't have to get up in the morning."

Why do they make asprin white?
So it'll work.

A man and a woman got into an elevator. The man asked the woman,
"What floor?" The woman answered, "Two, please; I'm going to give blood for $10."
The man said, "Oh, really, I'm going to the third floor to sell sperm for $50."
About a month later, the same man and woman entered the elevator again. The man asked, "Second floor?"
The woman shook her head with cheeks puffed and lips tightly shut; she held up three fingers.

Kamala, the monarch of a tiny African nation, found himself fascinated by the game of Russian roulette while visiting Moscow for an economic summit with Boris Yeltsin. "Ungawa! one bullet in six-chambered gun make pretty good contest," he told the vodka-drenched president, "but one day you come to motherland, I show you African roulette!"
Several months later, Yeltsin went on tour in Africa and decided to take Kamala up on his offer. "So, mighty ruler show me this great sport of yours." he requested. He then summoned a pair of royal elephants, on
which the two leaders joureyed to a secluded clearing in the jungle.
After dismounting, Kamala introduced Yeltsin to six beautiful, unclothed native girls gathered around a campfire. "Here is African roulette," he explained."You pick any maiden here, and she will give you a free blow job on the spot!" "Well comrade, such an offer sounds more inviting than caviar," the muscovite responded,"but what makes it roulette? Where is the chance?" Grinning broadly, Kamala responded,"One of these girls is a cannibal!"

What turns a 90-pound weakling into a man of steel?
Polio.

What's a Jewish menage a trois?
A hard-on and two headaches.

What's the best way to make your wife hot and excited while you're making love?
Call her when you're doing it with her sister.

===========
Great Quote - One would think that the Secret Service was smart enough to get serviced secretly.

MotoVid hasbeen
NESBA hasbeen

CCS neverbeen
WERA neverbeen

Last edited by Wink; 07-19-2006 at 03:28 PM.
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post #7 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:24 PM
Bug
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What's the worst part of being a Cub's Fan?








Having to tell your parent that you're gay!

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming WOW, what a RIDE !!"
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post #8 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:48 PM
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Quote:
Why don'tblind people skydive ?
It scares the shit out of the dog .
OMG!


<--------Sticky Nicky
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post #9 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:48 PM
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A blind man walks into a department store and starts swinging his guide dog by its leash above his head. A stunned clerk runs to the man and asks "can I help you with something, sir?" the blind man replys "no thanks, just looking"
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post #10 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:51 PM
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a chinese woman on her wedding night was very nervous about being a virgin, and told her new husband. The husband being compassionet told her to ease her mind "everything ok. in fact I do anything you want" after thinking she says "I want a 69", and her husband with a puzzeled look says you want broccoli with beef?"
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post #11 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 03:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wink
What dose an 850-pound gerbil do for kicks ?
He shoves gay guys up his ass.

How do you know when its time to do the dishes and clean the place up?
Look down the front of your pants, if there's a dick there, it ain't time yet.

Why do they make asprin white?
So it'll work.

What turns a 90-pound weakling into a man of steel?
Polio.

What's a Jewish menage a trois?
A hard-on and two headaches.
That's funny!
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post #12 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 04:11 PM
[Online]
 
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My own personal favorite, since I'm half-deaf. It is played in person:

Me: Have you ever heard a joke about a fag and a deaf man?
Victim: No.
Me: What?
Victim (puzzled): What "what"?
Me: What?
Victim (annoyed):: What joke?
Me (louder): What?
Victim: $#%^!

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post #13 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 04:20 PM
Hot-Wire Her With A Pin
 
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A giraffe walks in a bar and says














The High Balls are on me!!!















A rabbi a priest a pirate and a lawyer walk into a bar.


The bartender goes is this some type of joke?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bug View Post
I will sock ya square in your snot locker if you EVER use the term "Bron Bron" in my presence - BAHLEEDAT
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post #14 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 04:30 PM
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Ask a lady:

Do you know the difference between a hot dog and a penis?



If she says NO say: Want to go to lunch?

Everyone Exaggerates

We're being taken for a ride... agaaaaaaain.....


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post #15 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 04:40 PM
[Online]
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arch
Ask a lady:

Do you know the difference between a hot dog and a penis?



If she says NO say: Want to go to lunch?
Oh, that's a good one...
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post #16 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 04:53 PM
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What do you call a midget psychic on the run from the law?


























A small medium at large.
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post #17 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 06:00 PM
 
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you ever heard the one about the gay midget?








































he just came out of the cabinet last week!!!
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post #18 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 06:09 PM
Go Hawks!
 
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How many fags does it take to flip over a car?












I don't know but we'll find out if the Cubs win the World Series..




"I am Jack's smirking revenge.."
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post #19 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 06:42 PM
who...me???
 
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A married couple in their middle 50s was out celebrating their 35th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table an said,

"For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful
to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the
wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen
Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said:
"Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30
years younger than me."

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed,
but a wish is a wish...
So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! -
the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of the story: Men who are
ungrateful bastards should remember that fairies are female

if it feels good....DO IT!!!
shauna

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger....and it's usually pretty damn fun too

"If ur gonna ride my ass...at least pull my hair"-StreetChic
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post #20 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 07:56 PM
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You know what the difference is between Curtains and toilet paper?












































































































If you've had to think about it this long, please don't come to my house.

The optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds...
The pessimist fears this to be true.


<----Shane



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post #21 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-19-2006, 08:00 PM
Cali's Twisty Tamer
 
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2 guys walk into a bar, the 3rd guy ducks.
Hey they're supposed to be stupid.

The optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds...
The pessimist fears this to be true.


<----Shane



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post #22 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-20-2006, 08:11 AM
King Nothing


 
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Why are Hellen Kellers fingers purple?




















She heard it through the grape vine.

"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."
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post #23 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-20-2006, 11:40 AM
six foot twenty.
 
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How did Helen Keller break her arm?















Reading a Speed Limit sign.
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post #24 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-20-2006, 12:03 PM
 
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What do ghosts eat for breakfast?





Boogles and scream cheese.
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post #25 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-20-2006, 12:12 PM
RIDER SEARCHING FOR A RID
 
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Here's a dirty joke!
























































A white horse fell in the mud!

ZX9 - THE LEGEND LIVES ON!
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post #26 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-20-2006, 12:26 PM
Make my day!!!!!
 
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How is a rubics cube like a penis?




































The more you play with it the harder it gets.

Living life! Because before you know it it is over!

Joe

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post #27 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-20-2006, 12:52 PM
OBAMA FTW!!!!1!
 
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Talking Here is 22 of 'em

Just got these in an e-mail - perfect timing

Sorry for #19 -

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef. Can you pea soup?

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
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post #28 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-20-2006, 01:01 PM
Model citizen
 
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants

Bartender says, "Hey you have a steering wheel in your pants."

Pirate says, "Arrrrg, It's driving me nuts"

Eric
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post #29 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-20-2006, 01:07 PM
psycho770
 
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What is the best food to kill sexual desire?































Wedding cake
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post #30 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-20-2006, 01:15 PM
King Nothing


 
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What did Hellen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff.........































Hand gesturing in sign language.

Why didnt anyone hear her?









































She was wearing mittens.

"When in doubt, use full throttle. It may not improve your situation, but it will end the suspense."
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