Never Argue with a Woman Jokes - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-25-2006, 09:22 AM Thread Starter
OBAMA FTW!!!!1!
 
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Talking Never Argue with a Woman Jokes

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides
to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to
take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her
book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and
says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she
replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any
moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-25-2006, 10:00 AM
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Cute one!

===========
Great Quote - One would think that the Secret Service was smart enough to get serviced secretly.

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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-26-2006, 02:52 PM Thread Starter
OBAMA FTW!!!!1!
 
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Marriage....part I..part II...Part III...Part IV...Part V

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man marries typical
good-looking woman and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and
at what time I want
and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and
card- playing when I want with my old buddies
and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules!
Any comments?"

His new bride says, "No, that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night
whether you're here or not."

************************************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife have a bitter quarrel on the
day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die,
I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, < /FONT>
I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

******************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife
are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says,
"You're no good in bed either!"
and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty
and decides to make amends
and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings,
and the irritated husband says,
"What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
She says,
"Getting a second opinion!"

******************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is v ery proud
of his achievements. He is so proud of himself,
that he starts calling his wife,
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party.
The man decides that it's time to go home
and wants to find out
if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack
of discretion, shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

**************************************

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems
at home and were giving each other the
silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence
(and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-26-2006, 02:57 PM
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-27-2006, 03:53 PM Thread Starter
OBAMA FTW!!!!1!
 
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Kind of along the lines of this theme

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:



1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-27-2006, 05:38 PM
I'd rather be railing :)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by .:K2:.
[SIZE="6"]

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
We are such a simple sex

J A Y riding around the world on a 98 Suzuki DR650SE (sanDRina)
follow at >> JamminGlobal.com | facebook | twitter | youtube

Consider a small donation to support my trip or Buy a T-shirt

"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind." - Bob Marley
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