Welcome to Illinois - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-01-2003, 01:06 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Think corn and pigs. Lots and lots of corn and pigs.
Posts: 8,030
Location: Think corn and pigs. Lots and lots of corn and pigs.
Sportbike: A Big Blue One, a threesome of Sexy Red Ones - and a Happy Yellow One!
Years Riding: Quarter century.
How you found us: I was looking for Jimmy Choo's in my shoe closet.
           
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Welcome to Illinois

In honor of the St. Valentine's Day massacre - WELCOME TO ILLINOIS

Don't order steak or pasta primavera at Denny's. It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the cooks in the kitchen they will kick your ass.

Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Sandwich, St. Elmo, Gays, Reddick, Dongola, Dupo, Ashkum, Boody, Farmer City, etc.) or we will just have to kick your ass.

Don't order a can or bottle of soda here. It is called pop. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you are. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as Midwesterners. We are from Illinois and we can kick your ass.

We have plenty of business sense. We have to make a living here. We admit to small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state just to run for the senate. If someone tried to do that we would kick her ass.

Don't laugh at our cornfields or our Lincoln Log home. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 post cards can't be bad. And in Chicago don't point and laugh at the sculptures or we will kick your ass.

We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter; so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we will kick your ass.

Don't order the fruit plate for dessert. Order a steak and a potato or pizza for dinner and then have cheesecake or we will kick your ass.

Don't try to fake a Chicago accent. We don't have an accent. If you say we do then we will kick your ass.

Don't talk to us about how much better things are where you came from because we know better. Many of us have visited hellholes like Detroit, Cleveland, New York, Philadelphia, and Los Angeles. If you don't like it here, O'Hare is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.

Don't complain that Illinois is flat and that there are not enough trees. If you whine about our scenic beauty we will kick your ass all the way back to San Francisco.

Pronouncing the 's' at the end of Illinois is not funny. Doing it, will get your ass kicked.

Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come here and tell us Chicago is full of gangsters. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Just mention this and you will be wearing cement shoes in the bottom of the Chicago River.

Now then, welcome to Illinois, enjoy your visit, spend your money and then go home.

Kim
CCS AM #815 - the cute, fuzzy, yellow, spoiled-rotten half of Team Duc Tape!
I break stuff
Duck, duck, duck, GUZ!
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-01-2003, 02:59 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Franklin Park, IL
Posts: 1,094
Location: Franklin Park, IL
Sportbike: 98' CBR600F3
Years Riding: 10 yrs
How you found us: back in the old days of SBN
           
Re: Welcome to Illinois

Quote:
Originally posted by KBOlsen
Pronouncing the 's' at the end of Illinois is not funny. Doing it, will get your ass kicked.
I laugh when people pronounce it.

Quote:
Originally posted by KBOlsen
Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come here and tell us Chicago is full of gangsters. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Just mention this and you will be wearing cement shoes in the bottom of the Chicago River.
:lol Ain't that the truth?
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-01-2003, 03:21 PM
"PC" ,my balls
 
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Yorkville
Posts: 1,620
Location: Yorkville
Sportbike: '02 GSXR1000 (street),'02 GSXR600 (track),'94CR125 (dirt), 3x pocketbikes (oval), KTMs x 3
Years Riding: 20 years
How you found us: Google search
           
Re: Welcome to Illinois

Quote:
Originally posted by KBOlsen
Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Sandwich, St. Elmo, Gays, Reddick, Dongola, Dupo, Ashkum, Boody, Farmer City, etc.) or we will just have to kick your ass.
What's so funny about Dupo? I lived there for 10 years...uh...did I just answer my own question?

My wife thinks we're a bunch of Top Gun wannabes with our call signs, so for future reference, I'm Roger

I've done some things I'm not proud of...and the things I am proud of are disgusting - Moe on the Simpsons
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-01-2003, 05:16 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Frankfort, Il
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Enjoyable, first time I ever saw that one.

Mike
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 03-02-2003, 01:09 AM
Please attend carefully..
 
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Chicago (NW side) 60707
Posts: 2,625
Location: Chicago (NW side) 60707
Sportbike: 2000 ZX6R (the green one!)
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Re: Welcome to Illinois

Quote:
Originally posted by KBOlsen

Don't order steak or pasta primavera at Denny's. It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the cooks in the kitchen they will
.....join a sportbike board and use as an avatar a picture of the Pope holding a hockey stick like he's about to cross-check a heretic

(I went to college on a Denny's kitchen scholarship, in case you haven't picked up on it by now)

"Stupidity is also a gift of God, but one mustn't misuse it." - JP2

"Life is just a place where we spend time between games" - former Philadelphia Flyers coach Fred Shero

"everyone's a nutjob, some just have more restraint than others" - EndlessRR
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