Kids Say the Darndest Things... - Chicagoland Sportbikes
Chicagoland Sportbikes
 
The Funny Papers got some funny stuff? Make us laugh.

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-03-2003, 08:03 AM Thread Starter
Evil Moderatrix
 
KBOlsen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Think corn and pigs. Lots and lots of corn and pigs.
Posts: 8,030
Location: Think corn and pigs. Lots and lots of corn and pigs.
Sportbike: A Big Blue One, a threesome of Sexy Red Ones - and a Happy Yellow One!
Years Riding: Quarter century.
How you found us: I was looking for Jimmy Choo's in my shoe closet.
           
Send a message via AIM to KBOlsen
Kids Say the Darndest Things...

From the "Kids say the darnedest things" files...

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

*************************
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile,"We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

*************************

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

*************************

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, " Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

*************************

I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods."

*************************

When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs for the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin either."

************************

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter --haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

*************************

A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation. His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn't help. Her son's memory was blank. Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, I am the light of the world." The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world."

*************************

A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Johnny who had drawn a man driving an old car. In the back seat was a scantily clad man and woman. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he exclaimed, "doesn't it say in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?"

*************************

One for the day my three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, "Do you need to go potty" He answered, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me." Then I asked, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo.. I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?" Matt jumped up in his chair, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks, and yelled ... "SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!" While 20 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his p ants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified! Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had! Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said, "Don't worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time. I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did.

Kim
CCS AM #815 - the cute, fuzzy, yellow, spoiled-rotten half of Team Duc Tape!
I break stuff
Duck, duck, duck, GUZ!
KBOlsen is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-03-2003, 08:48 AM
BEER!
 
Grover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Lindenhurst, IL
Posts: 5,970
Location: Lindenhurst, IL
Sportbike: '01 SV650S (Pokey!) '02 Honda CR125 (Blockhead)
Years Riding: 5
How you found us: SBN
           
Send a message via AIM to Grover


The last one is classic!

Kimmy, how much junk mail do you get? I've seen A LOT of stuff from you lately.

Chris

NESBA/CCS #142
AIM: GroverSV650S
Dirtbikes are not submarines
Grover is offline  
post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-03-2003, 11:18 AM
Registered User
 
MeggysGixxer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: NW Burbs
Posts: 1,084
Location: NW Burbs
Sportbike: 2001 Gixxer 600
Years Riding: Long Enough to know better
 
Ahhh!!! Cute!
MeggysGixxer is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Chicagoland Sportbikes forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome