Here's some jokes for u guys - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 07-08-2003, 09:27 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 80
Here's some jokes for u guys

> >>
> >>How many men does it take to open a beer?
> >>None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> >>Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
> >>probably never be able to support you.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>Why do women have smaller feet than men?
> >>It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
> >>closer to the kitchen sink.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> >>When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>How do you fix a woman's watch?
> >>You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>Why do men break wind more than women?
> >>Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
> >>pressure.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
> >>front door, who do you let in first?
> >>The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> >>A woman who won't do what she's told.
> >>--------------------------------------
> >>I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt
> >>---------------------------------------
> >>Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's! sex
> >>drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
> >>I said, "Dust!"
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
> >>created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither
> >>nor
> >>Man has rested.
> >>------------------------------------------
> >>Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive
> >>and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
> >>She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
> >>a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
> >>Dad: That happens in every country, son.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
> >>Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all
> >>said the same thing: "You can have mine."
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
> >>it once.
> >>----------------------------------------
> >>Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
> >>street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
> >>beautiful.
> >>

Alcohol Consumption Warnings

> >
> >-----
> >
> >Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
> >manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion the following warning
> >labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
> >happened to your bra and panties.
> >
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
> >when you are not.
> >
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
> >retard.
> >
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
> >and over again you love them.
> >
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
> >
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe ex-lovers are
> >really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
> >
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
> >converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
> >
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
> >rug
> >burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
> >
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion you are
> >tougher,
> >smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
> >
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
> >laughing WITH you.
> >
> >
> >WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
> >
> >and finally......
> >
> >WARNING: the konsumshun of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe reel
> >gude.

> >
> >Heaven, I'm In Heaven...
> >Marty and Jane were driving home after an expensive - yet bland - dinner.
> >Since Marty's minor heart attack 15 years ago, Jane had kept her hubby on
> >strict, low sodium, low fat, low cholesterol diet, depriving him of all
> >foods he loved.
> >
> >As Marty turned the corner at a busy intersection, another car slammed
> >theirs, killing Marty and Jane instantly.
> >
> >St. Peter greeted the couple at the Pearly Gates and took them on a tour
> >Heaven. Their first stop was a luxury mansion, "Your new home," St. Peter
> >told them.
> >
> >Looking at the expensive marble floors, Marty asked, "How much is this
> >going to cost us?"
> >
> >"Nothing," St. Peter replied. "Everything is free in Heaven."
> >
> >Next, they visited their new championship-style golf course.
> >
> >"This is your private golf course," St. Peter said. "It changes daily,
> >representing the greatest golf courses on Earth."
> >
> >"What are the green fees?" Marty asked.
> >
> >"This is Heaven," St. Peter said. "You play for free, my friend."
> >
> >Then they went to the clubhouse and saw a lavish buffet made from the
> >cuisine Earth had to offer.
> >
> >"How much to eat?" Marty asked.
> >
> >St. Peter replied, "My friend, don't you understand yet? This is Heaven -
> >it's all free!"
> >
> >"I see," Marty said, scratching his chin. "Tell me, is that meal low
> >sodium, low fat and low cholesterol?"
> >
> >"No," St. Peter said. "And that's really the best part: You can eat as
> >as you like, of whatever you want, and never get fat or sick. This is
> >Heaven!"
> >
> >With that, Marty pitched a fit: He tossed his halo on the floor and said,
> >
> >"Marty!" Jane cried. "What's wrong?"
> >
> >Marty glared at his wife. "What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong! If
> >wasn't for your doggone bran muffins, I could have been here fifteen
> >ago!"
> >
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 07-17-2003, 03:39 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Spring Grove, IL
Posts: 18,082
Location: Spring Grove, IL
Sportbike: yz250f
Years Riding: 25 years
How you found us: dont recall
When Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham first got married, Bill
said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to
look in it."

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However,
on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better
of her and she
lifted the lid and peeked inside.

In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She
closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what
was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such
a box with such contents.

That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she
confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years, I kept my
promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today
the temptation was much too much and I gave in. But now I need to
know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you
deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put
an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to
do it again."

Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I
am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since
you are addicted to sex, I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times
is not that bad considering your problem."

Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made
peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have
all that money in the box?"

Bill answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I
them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."


When the tailgate drops..the bullshit stops
Hunt ethically - Hunt with a trained Retriever !
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 07-17-2003, 03:43 PM
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,084
MeggysGixxer is offline  
post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 07-17-2003, 03:47 PM
I'm always learning......
SloRoll's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Southwest Suburbs
Posts: 5,778
Location: Southwest Suburbs
Sportbike: 2k14 FLHXS, 1981 FXE, 1949 HD EL Panhead, Yami PW80
Years Riding: Long, long, long, long, long time.
How you found us: GPS

Synthetic Lifelike Organism Responsible for Observation and Logical Learning - SLOROLL

Remember there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. Zappa 1974

And I said....."Look here brother, who you jiving with that cosmik debris? Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho? Zappa 1974
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