The Three Kick Rule - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-22-2009, 04:26 PM Thread Starter
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The Three Kick Rule

Probably a repost, but a search for Three Kick didn't reveal a match, SO... here it is:


A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell int o a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Cowra . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

(I love this part)

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

When you are educated, you'll believe only half of what you hear.

When you're intelligent, you know which half.

===========
Great Quote - One would think that the Secret Service was smart enough to get serviced secretly.

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-22-2009, 05:23 PM
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That is my new "Work Joke" - Thank Bro

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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-23-2009, 03:30 PM
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A DEA agent, together with an ATF and an FBI agent, as part of a task force, arrive at a ranch in western Nebraska. The agents tell the rancher, "We need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

The DEA agent verbally explodes saying, "Mister, we have the authority of the Federal Government with us." Reaching into his rear pocket and removing his badge, the agent proudly displays it to the farmer. "See this badge, this badge means we are allowed to go wherever we wish on any land. No questions asked nor answers given. Have I made myself clear, do you understand?"

The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the rancher hears loud screams and spies the three agents running for their lives and close behind is the rancher's notoriously ill-tempered and territorial bull. With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the agents. They are clearly terrified.

The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...

"Your badges! Show him your badges!"
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-23-2009, 03:38 PM
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haha both of those are good

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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-23-2009, 03:49 PM
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-23-2009, 04:10 PM
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A guy is speeding down the interstate early one Sunday morning in his Escort/Yugo/whatever POS windup...

He blows past a cop sitting in clear view in the median eating donuts and drinking coffee at a whopping 85mph. The cop gives chase...

For about 5 miles the Escort has it pinned, trying to elude the cop. After a while he realizes his little windup car is not gonna out run a Crown Vic and he pulls over.

Cop comes up to the window - typical trooper-type look... 6 feet tall, wide-brimmed hat, mirrored Aviators and a stache that would make Randy Johnson proud, saying, "You know why I stopped you, boy?"

"Yes sir - I was speeding."

"Indeed you were, son. Now - if you can give me one good reason as to why you were trying to get away from me, I will let you go."

Without skipping a beat the guy answers, "Well sir, my wife left me for a cop..."

Preparing to take offense, the officer adjusts his stance and crosses his arms in front of him, "Yeah? And?"

The guy replies, "I thought you were him trying to bring her back."

The officer pauses for a second and says, "You have yourself a good day, sir," and goes back to his car.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 11-23-2009, 04:42 PM Thread Starter
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I LOVED BOTH of those!!!

thanks a ton!

===========
Great Quote - One would think that the Secret Service was smart enough to get serviced secretly.

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