Don't mess with old people............... - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-28-2010, 10:12 AM Thread Starter
G2G
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Don't mess with old people...............

Stole this from my friend Pete.


Don't Mess with Old People!!!!

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his
attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and
no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about
a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead..'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my
own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can
bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into
that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully
and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that
stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although
he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on
the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a
major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told
me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand
dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that
you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!!!
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-28-2010, 10:21 AM
DRZ
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awesome!, reminds me of this one:

Quote:
A little old lady went into the headquarters of a large national bank one day, dragging a large bag behind her. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"

The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the heck's the matter with your lawyer?"

"Nothing," she answered, "Except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00AM today, I'd have the president of this bank's balls in my hand."

Take it to the STREETS!
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-28-2010, 10:26 AM
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haha... stupid lawyers

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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-28-2010, 10:58 AM
pfft.
 
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-28-2010, 11:16 AM
yo quiero su taco
 
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-28-2010, 11:19 AM
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Nice.

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