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post #1 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:38 PM Thread Starter
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Soccer vs Football

Tale of the Tape: American vs. European football coaches





Average Height
European Football Coach: 6 ft
American Football Coach: 6 ft

Average Weight

European Football Coach: 168 pounds
American Football Coach: 372 pounds

Average Work Week

European Football Coach: 11 hours
American Football Coach: 124 hours

Style
European Football Coach: Armani, Gucci, Versace
American Football Coach: Zubas, Thorton Mellon's Tall & Fat, anything that fucking fits

Wife
European Football Coach: Some hot French chick
American Football Coach: Crying in basement with loaded shotgun

Mistress
European Football Coach: Half of Italy, France and Spain
American Football Coach: Mike Francesa, Peter King

Sunglasses
European Football Coach: Daniel Craig's aviators
American Football Coach: Oakley Blades with Croakies, anything that covers entire face

Key Tactical In-Game Moves
European Football Coach: Squinting, adjusting tie, taking off blazer, winking
American Football Coach: Series of adjustments based on play-by-play game film, throwing headset, having heart attack during halftime speech

Hobbies
European Football Coach: Wine collection, sailing, traveling
American Football Coach: Remembering son's name

Hair
European Football Coach: Immaculate
American Football Coach: Majority on back and shoulder

Diet
European Football Coach: Modest starter dish of antipasto; elegant portion of seafood, pasta and vegetable; wine; bon bon; cigarette
American Football Coach: Wings; deep-fried hoagie; six Miller Lites (for health); three potatoes worth of curly fries; half an apple pie; gigantic stogie

Stuck in Teeth

European Football Coach: Swedish model pubes
American Football Coach: Wings

Common Endorsements
European Football Coach: Jaguar, Rolex, Prada
American Football Coach: Manzierres, Weight Watchers, Erectile dysfunction drug

Average Life Expectancy
European Football Coach: 98 years (barring freak smothering accident at orgy)
American Football Coach: 41 years

Interesting Fact
European Football Coach: In bed with your wife right now
American Football Coach: In bed with a chocolate sundae right now

You better be nice to America or we will bring democracy to your country.
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post #2 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:42 PM
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So the European Football Coaches are gay, right?

Greg

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post #3 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:45 PM
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no they are pimps. American football coaches are slob's asses is what he's saying.

<---- Useless Mufugga
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post #4 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chunk View Post
no they are pimps. American football coaches are slob's asses is what he's saying.
Are you sure? Read it again, sounds pretty ghey to me.

Greg

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post #5 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:51 PM Thread Starter
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Are you sure? Read it again, sounds pretty ghey to me.
Read the last fact

You better be nice to America or we will bring democracy to your country.
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post #6 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:53 PM
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Buncha foppish dandies.

I bet Football coaches would easily whip soccer coaches' asses. Primarily because as soon as the football coaches got close, the soccer coaches would dive to the ground in dramatic fashion and start crying like Nancy Kerrigan, hoping their bought-off ref would come save their little girly ass with a mystery call.


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post #7 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:56 PM Thread Starter
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Buncha foppish dandies.

I bet Football coaches would easily whip soccer coaches' asses. Primarily because as soon as the football coaches got close, the soccer coaches would dive to the ground in dramatic fashion and start crying like Nancy Kerrigan, hoping their bought-off ref would come save their little girly ass with a mystery call.


You better be nice to America or we will bring democracy to your country.
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post #8 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:58 PM
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how about Christiano Ronaldo taking the falls and he wasn't even fucking touched. That pissed me off to no end. Jesus what a fucking douche but he's kinda hot.

<---- Useless Mufugga
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post #9 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:58 PM
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none of these in US football make it the instant winner




also the swedish models the US coaches plow wax their beavers.

Chris
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post #10 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:59 PM
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Soccer is a sport that rewards being a limp-wristed pansy-ass.

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post #11 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:01 PM
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i like soccer. it's like hockey but slower with a bunch of pussies.

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post #12 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:03 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chunk View Post
Jesus what a fucking douche but he's kinda hot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob, Esq. View Post
Soccer is a sport that rewards being a limp-wristed pansy-ass.
Don't hate.

American Football Player



European Football Player


You better be nice to America or we will bring democracy to your country.
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post #13 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:07 PM
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Soccer player

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post #14 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gone in 3 View Post
Read the last fact
Doesn't change all the other facts, and is he giving my wife a pedicure.

Greg

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post #15 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:09 PM
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hehe


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post #16 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:11 PM
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<---- Useless Mufugga
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post #17 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:12 PM
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Don't hate.

American Football Player

What team is that?

If you ain't with us, then it's just bad news.
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post #18 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:14 PM Thread Starter
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Doesn't change all the other facts, and is he giving my wife a pedicure.
Is that what she tells you?

You better be nice to America or we will bring democracy to your country.
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post #19 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:17 PM
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what a bunch of pussies.


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post #20 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:19 PM
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You can tell Football is an American sport. They cannot go 30 seconds without taking a break. Lazy fat a$$es Also there is a commercial break every 10 min.


Soccer there is a break every 45 min. and rarely a commercial break.
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post #21 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:20 PM
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hahahaaha fucking pussies

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post #22 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G2G View Post
You can tell Football is an American sport. They cannot go 30 seconds without taking a break. Lazy fat a$$es Also there is a commercial break every 10 min.


Soccer there is a break every 45 min. and rarely a commercial break.
See, now this thread is diverting from the original post. I agree that soccer players are typically more fit and soccer requires a different kind of stamina. But the original post was depicting how soccer coaches are non manly like and football coaches enjoyed life.

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post #23 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:23 PM
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How about diverting to say that Amercan football can suck my d!ck? Would that be ok?
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post #24 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:24 PM
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football coaches enjoyed life.
so being a lardass=enjoying life?

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post #25 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gsd656 View Post
See, now this thread is diverting from the original post. I agree that soccer players are typically more fit and soccer requires a different kind of stamina. But the original post was depicting how soccer coaches are non manly like and football coaches enjoyed life.
if by "fit" you mean scrawny and weak, sure.

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post #26 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:26 PM
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can't we just get along? Both sports are awesome.

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post #27 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 01:27 PM
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can't we just get along? Both sports are awesome.

Ur Awesome! No I mean ur Chunk. I thought you where Awesome????
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post #28 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 03:35 PM
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Ur Awesome! No I mean ur Chunk. I thought you where Awesome????
Greece is out bro. Go make some gyros

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post #29 of 29 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 04:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gone in 3 View Post


Don't hate.

American Football Player



European Football Player

Quote:
Originally Posted by G2G View Post
You can tell Football is an American sport. They cannot go 30 seconds without taking a break. Lazy fat a$$es Also there is a commercial break every 10 min.


Soccer there is a break every 45 min. and rarely a commercial break.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chunk View Post
so being a lardass=enjoying life?


The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

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