Fun read for Bear fans
Twas the night before Pre-Season, when all through Training Camp
Not a coach wasn't stirring, as they walked up the Olivet-Nazarene's ramp.
The helmets were hung by the lockerroom with care,
in hopes that the players soon would be there.
The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of wining the Superbowl danced in their heads.
And Bob Babich with his clipboard, and Lovie with his chart,
Had just settled their brains on who in Training Camp would start.
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
Lovie sprang from his desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the window Lovie flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
When, what to Lovie's wondering eyes should appear,
But a Greyhound Bus, and eight whiny players and their gear.
With a oily driver, so lively and slick,
Lovie knew in a moment it must be Drew Rosenhouse, that ***.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Briggs! now, Brown! now, Griese and Johnson!
On, Ogunleye! On, Orton! on, on Harris and Grossman!
To the top of the field! to the top of the stands
Now whine away! Whine away! Whine away man!"
And then, in a twinkling, Lovie saw with his eye
The prancing and posturing of each little guy.
As Lovie drew in his head, and was turning around,
In through the door Lance Briggs came with a bound.
He was dressed all in gold, from his head to his toes,
And his clothes were all armani, it was quite a show.
And in his hands was a very large sack,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
"Give me more money! Make me the man!
Or else I'll hold out this season, yeah, that sounds like a good plan!"
Lovie shook his head, and said with a stare,
"Go ahead and hold out then, I really don't care!
Urlacher is the man, that's the truth of it Briggs,
And we'd win even if the OLB was a pig.
Before you there was Rosie, and then there was Holdman,
The Bears did fine without either; you should take that as an omen!"
Lance closed up his sack and left with a huff.
And whipered to Drew "Sign a 1 year extension, I can't pay for all my stuff."
Next in came Tank Johnson, drunk as a skunk.
With alcohol on his breath, he whispered "Lovie, I ain't no punk!
Believe me, I'll be good, just bring be back in!
And ignore all the lies, the broken promises, the spin.
I know I can stay out of trouble this time!"
Lovie looked at Tank and let out a sigh.
"We gave you a chance, two, even three,
But you lied to yourself, your team, and me.
Now take your drunk @$$ and get out of my sight."
Tank left in a huff, and said "that ain't even right."
Lovie closed his door, and jumped at the sound,
Of Tank and his glock, firing off another round.
He turned back to Babich, and said "Let's get back to our plans."
When in through the window came Tommie Harris and the Grossman!
"I want McNabb! Just Kidding, it's a joke!"
Yet Tommie Harris looked dead serious as he spoke.
Rex looked miffed and cocked back his fist,
Aimed for Tommie's face, took a swing, but he missed.
Kyle Orton peaked through the window and said "Can I play now?"
And summarily was knocked out by Rex's errant punch to his brow.
"Out of here, all of you! There's work to be done!"
Lovie escorted them out; Tommie said "Man, you're no fun."
Griese then showed up and blocked their path.
And said "Start me coach, do the math!
All my stats are better than Rex!"
And once again, Grossman was vexed.
Rex once again let his fist fly,
With his sights firmly set on Griese's right eye!
And with a cannon for an arm, and an off-balance swing,
Missed Griese by a mile, and hit Harris's ding-a-ling.
Lovie slammed the door, tired of the schtick.
And said to Bob "Let's get this depth chart done quick!"
But sure enough came another knock to the door
Which was then busted down and knocked to the floor.
In stepped Ogunleye, and Alex Brown.
Both of them were wearing rather unpleasant frowns.
Alex spoke first, his teeth all a clatter
And promptly got to the point of what was the matter.
"Coach, why am I here? I wanted to be traded away!"
And in response, this is what Lovie had to say:
"Mark Anderson's better, but you still play pretty fair.
Which is better play than we get from Ogun over there."
Ogun shot back "I'm a Prince, give me respect!"
Lovie replied "We tried trading you, but your contract's a wreck.
As for you Brown, you only show up in New York.
And you were nothing when we found you and got you to put down the fork.
Brown and Ogunleye left the room quite bitter.
And Bob Babich remarked "We need a full-time baby sitter."
Once again outside, Lovie heard a large fus,
And poked his head out the window, and saw the players getting back on the bus.
Lovie shouted down to Drew Rosenhouse "There's something I don't get.
You got a couple of clients there, but what about the rest?"
Drew snarled back, with a grin so evil and dark,
"Where there is controversy and cash to be made, I always try to make my mark."
The bus was then off, peace was restored,
The depth chart completed, and posted on the team's board.
Lovie settled in for the night, and as he lie in bed
Thoughts of the night's disturbance ran through his head.
With players disgruntled, and agents cashing in on their fame.
He wondered how any team ever makes it to the Championship Game.
So with the season ahead, and the drama square in his sights,
Lovie whisped "Merry Pre-Season to all, and to all, a Good Night!"