Its good to be a man ! - Chicagoland Sportbikes
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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2004, 12:41 PM Thread Starter
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Its good to be a man !

What do you expect!?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

Mike

When the tailgate drops..the bullshit stops
Hunt ethically - Hunt with a trained Retriever !
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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2004, 01:13 PM
SICK OF IT ALL
 
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This is my life.

Wayne


Standing together
Side by side
Staying true to what’s inside
United as one, we fight

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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2004, 01:14 PM
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true true

There is nothing firm, nothing balanced, nothing durable in all the universe. Nothing remains in its original state, each day, each hour, each moment, there is change. Change is the essence of life. Embrace change as you do life. To fight change is to live in the past.
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2004, 02:15 PM
 
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...but you can't do a $75 trackday with STT
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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2004, 02:19 PM Thread Starter
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I just tuck my plumbing under and wear eye stuff and dont fart in front of others for the day. Theyll think Im a chick

Mike

When the tailgate drops..the bullshit stops
Hunt ethically - Hunt with a trained Retriever !
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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2004, 03:19 PM
 
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2004, 03:38 PM
Old Squid on a Blade
 
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Years Riding: Longer than most of you have been alive. And I'm still slow.
How you found us: The voices in my head told me to come here
           
You know, I just realized what day it is. Sort of fitting to post why we are better today since all my gals have me wrapped around their little fingers.

Happy April fools day!

There is nothing firm, nothing balanced, nothing durable in all the universe. Nothing remains in its original state, each day, each hour, each moment, there is change. Change is the essence of life. Embrace change as you do life. To fight change is to live in the past.
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-01-2004, 08:22 PM
 
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I like that.
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-02-2004, 12:05 AM
cornfields are boring
 
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thats a keeper
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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-02-2004, 12:32 AM
pfft.
 
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Re: Its good to be a man !

OH....MY...GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

See below...

Quote:
Originally posted by 2weelpilot
What do you expect!?
Your last name stays put. GREAT IF IT'S SMITH.
The garage is all yours. MINE'S ALL MINE....
Wedding plans take care of themselves. IF YOU DIDN'T WANT THE WEDDING, WHY'D YOU PROPOSE?!
Chocolate is just another snack. AS IS BEEF JERKY TO WOMEN.
You can be president. SO CAN WE.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. I DO THAT.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. SOME OF YOU SHOULD REMAIN COVERED.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. LOL. YOU BELIEVE THAT? REALLY?
The world is your urinal. OOH. SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF. PISSING IN FRONT OF OTHERS. DAMN I'M MISSING OUT!
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. BUT YOU CAN'T HANDLE MENSTRUATION....
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. BUT YOU CAN'T PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN...
Same work, more pay. SAME SPECIES, BIGGER EGO.
Wrinkles add character. NOT TO YOUR PENIS.
Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100. LEARN TO NOT RENT CLOTHING.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. BUT YOUR HAIRY BACK IS INCONSPICUOUS.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. BECAUSE MEN CAN'T CONTROL THEMSELVES.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR YELLOWED HAIRY FEET DON'T FEEL PAIN.
One mood, ALL the time. YES, THAT MOOD IS "PERVERT." AGAIN, THE PRIDE YOU MUST FEEL....
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. SO IS SEX WITH YOU PEOPLE.
You know stuff about tanks. YEAH, BUT NO MORE THAN YOU CAN LEARN ON TV. GET OVER YOURSELF, YOU DON'T OWN A TANK!!
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. BECAUSE YOU NEVER CLEAN OR CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES. BODY ODOR ISN'T SEXY, BY THE WAY.
You can open all your own jars. AGAIN, I DO THAT.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. THAT'S LIKE AIMING TO BE THE TALLEST MIDGET...
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. MAN: "WHAT? SOMEONE HAD A PARTY? GOSH I WAS HOME PLAYING WITH MY PENIS SO MUCH THE WORLD JUST PASSED ME BY!!!"
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. HAD TO BE-- YOU GO THROUGH ABOUT 10 TIMES AS MANY PAIRS, WHAT WITH ALL THOSE SKID MARKS.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. NO THEY'RE NOT. YOU JUST DON'T CARE TO BE APPROPRIATE.
You almost never have strap problems in public. YET YOU SCTRATCH YOURSELVES IN PUBLIC...
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. YET YOU ARE ANGERED WHEN WE DON'T IRON THEM FOR YOU....
Everything on your face stays its original color. SAVE THE RED DOTS FROM WHERE YOU CUT YOURSELF SHAVING....AGAIN. YOU THINK YOU'D LEARN THAT SKILL AFTER DOING IT SINCE PUBERTY.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. NO IT DOESN'T. REALLY, IT DOESN'T.
You only have to shave your face and neck. AND YOU STILL F*CK THAT UP.
You can play with toys all your life. WE CAN TOO. THEY'RE THE TOYS OF THE CHILDREN YOU MADE US HAVE BUT WON'T PLAY WITH.
Your belly usually hides your big hips. OOH...SEXXXXY.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. ONE HUGE MARK IN YOUR PANTS. AGAIN....SEXXXXY.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. NO, YOU CAN'T. PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS ANYMORE.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. MMM...HOW SANITARY.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. SO DO WE, BUT THEN WE'D HEAR YOUR BITCHING ALL DAY.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes. BECAUSE THE FEMALE SALESPEOPLE ARE THERE TO ASSIST YOU.
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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-02-2004, 12:43 AM
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you have issues, go try and save the world for women some other place.

Arrogance has to be earned.
Serve, Protect and Break a ......
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-02-2004, 12:44 AM
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Can you scratch your balls too?

Arrogance has to be earned.
Serve, Protect and Break a ......
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-02-2004, 01:05 PM
pfft.
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ofc.Ponch
Can you scratch your balls too?
no but I could scratch yours. probably more thorough and more efficient at it than you! LOL
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-02-2004, 01:27 PM
 
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OUCH!!!!!
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-02-2004, 01:29 PM
 
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You can play with toys all your life.

WE CAN TOO. THEY'RE THE TOYS OF THE CHILDREN YOU MADE US HAVE BUT WON'T PLAY WITH.
__________________________________________________ __

Hell I was going to say US TOO.... we play with toys most of the time too after having sex with most of you guys....... LOL LOL
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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-02-2004, 01:29 PM
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Re: Re: Its good to be a man !

Quote:
Originally posted by ill_ag
OH....MY...GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

See below...
That was hilarious (I almost did myself)


I love the sex in 30 second comment. How unfortunate that can be true with some men.
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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-02-2004, 02:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ill_ag
no but I could scratch yours. probably more thorough and more efficient at it than you! LOL
I will take you up on that offer, and while your down there..............................


No teeth ok

Arrogance has to be earned.
Serve, Protect and Break a ......
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-02-2004, 02:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by MeggysGixxer
You can play with toys all your life.

WE CAN TOO. THEY'RE THE TOYS OF THE CHILDREN YOU MADE US HAVE BUT WON'T PLAY WITH.
__________________________________________________ __

Hell I was going to say US TOO.... we play with toys most of the time too after having sex with most of you guys....... LOL LOL
Save the drama, I aint your babies daddy so step somewhere else with that. Select who you spread for, maybe that won't happen then.

as far as the toys after sex goes, whatever floats your boat. A broom stick if you have to!!!!

Arrogance has to be earned.
Serve, Protect and Break a ......
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-03-2004, 02:04 AM
 
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That was only a partial list that seeped around the internet...here's the list I got:

PS - Number 92 is the absolute best.


-----------

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2. Movie nudity is virtually always female
.
3. You know stuff about tanks.

4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

5. Monday Night Football.

6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.

7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

8. You can open all your own jars.

9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.

10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.

11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.

12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

13. All your orgasms are real.

14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you -- except during hockey games.

16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.

17. You understand why Stripes is funny.

18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

19. Your last name stays put.

20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

22. You can kill your own food.

23. The garage is all yours.

24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.

26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

27. You never have to clean the toilet.

28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be you friend.

32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.

33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.

34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.

35. You don't have to shave below your neck.

36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.

37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

38. You can write your name in the snow.

39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.

40. Everything on your face stays its original color.

41. Chocolate is just another snack.

42. You can be president.

43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

44. Flowers fix everything.

45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.

49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

51. Foreplay is optional.

52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.

54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day

55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.

56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking, "He must be mad at me."

60. The world is your urinal.

61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.

62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.

63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

64. One mood, all the time.

65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.

67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.

69. Same work.... more pay.

70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

72. Wedding Dress, $2000; Tux rental, $100.

73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.

74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.

76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

77. The remote is yours and yours alone.

78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

79. ESPN's sports center.

80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.

82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.

86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"

88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

97. Not liking a person does not eliminate having great sex with them.

98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"

99. Baywatch.

100. There is always a game on somewhere.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-03-2004, 09:01 AM
 
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Boys suck.
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post #21 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-03-2004, 09:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Spicy1
Boys suck.
Depends, usualy when your nice we lick

Arrogance has to be earned.
Serve, Protect and Break a ......
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post #22 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-03-2004, 09:13 AM
 
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ar ar ar ar ar ar ar


Not if we dont let you....


You know we have the control in that dept.
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post #23 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-03-2004, 09:26 AM
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Not anymore, we just slip something into your drink now a days.

Arrogance has to be earned.
Serve, Protect and Break a ......
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