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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2004, 01:31 PM Thread Starter
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sleeping with dogs

Sleeping with dogs
Whoever said 'LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE" didn't sleep with dogs. The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.

Rule Number One: The deeper the sleep, the heavier the dog. Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the center position on the bed -- with all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch-and-roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.

Rule Number Two: Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed. As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep-running," lots of eye-movement, and then suddenly a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee's wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.

Rule Number Three: The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog. The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the three inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dog-flesh sleeps -- breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. (note: i only WISH my darlings did this!) The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping bodies -- or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear. (note: mine are the rompers.)

Rule Number Four: When the dog wakes, you wake. So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night -- safe, contented, heavy and loud.

-Author Unknown

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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2004, 10:31 PM
 
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hah, just read this, funny stuff, my significant other and i have 3 dogs now, we get this sort of stuff all the time, it's amazing how much space the 9 pound little shiz tzu (sp...) takes up as the night goes on, she typically snuggles with my girlfriend, i like having a little space lol
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2004, 11:03 PM
 
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Now that strikes home! Two dogs, a neo mastiff and lab, guess which one prefers to sleep on the bed? Yep, mastiff... she's an expert at "gaining territory" slowly, and yes my back is killing me from sleeping in all kinds of strange, twisted positions. And the snoring, OMG make it stop! She hasn't pushed anyone off the bed though,,,,,,,,,,, yet.

Nice find

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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2004, 11:12 PM
pfft.
 
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Yeah, I have rolled over many a morning to find my dog's head on the pillow next to mine. It's creepy, really.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2004, 11:35 PM
Please attend carefully..
 
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I can relate to the snoring part....one day I wake up in the middle of the night thinking "Who's moving furniture in the attic?"....turns out my roommate's (later to be my) dog was in my room snoring...

Another time the same dog (after he came to live with me permanently) was sleeping and another roomate was sleeping on the couch.....they were both snoring in tandem! If only I had a video camera, it would have made it to the finals of America's Funniest Home Videos!

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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2004, 11:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Norseman82
Another time the same dog (after he came to live with me permanently) was sleeping and another roomate was sleeping on the couch.....they were both snoring in tandem! If only I had a video camera, it would have made it to the finals of America's Funniest Home Videos!
too bad, that is just classic

i've had the wake up to a dog's face,err wait that was when i was an undergrad and used to drink a lot lol, WhoTF is this?! yeesh, actually i relate to the waking from the dog scoping you out, like "hey lazy i gotta take a dump, get up sukafoo"
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-16-2004, 11:58 PM
 
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I love my dogs to death so i cant talk bad but have you ever woke up to a head the size if a basketball 1 inch away from your face, oh and the second you open your eys they get this super addrenalin rush and jump all over you...goood morning
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2004, 12:07 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by r1wheel68
I love my dogs to death so i cant talk bad but have you ever woke up to a head the size if a basketball 1 inch away from your face, oh and the second you open your eys they get this super addrenalin rush and jump all over you...goood morning
i get this all the time w the new puppy we have, little maniac, hard to sleep in anymore

i better go away, i can talk dogs all night...
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2004, 12:13 AM
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i might as well share my embarrasing little story...

dante (the star of my avatar) loves to sleep in the bed and snuggle up next to you, but he tends to be rather restless. one particular night last year, i drifted off with dante's head next to mine. the next morning, i was just waking up and was in that half-in/half-out dream state, but i could sense that dante's head was still next to mine.

the calm was interrupted when my boyfriend asked, "what are you doing?"

"umm. cuddling with dante," i groggily replied.

"open your eyes," he laughed.

it turns out that dante had spun himself around in the middle of the night. i was indeed cuddling with dante...the ass end that is. nothing like waking up to your dog's pooper in your face.

"i'm a sweetheart, i'm a prom queen" - big black
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2004, 12:16 AM
 
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, nice, like apex's avatar! dogs are cool though, unless ya woke to a *pfft*

shit i was gonna go away...
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2004, 12:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Billyboy
, nice, like apex's avatar!
ha! yeah, something like that.

"i'm a sweetheart, i'm a prom queen" - big black
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2004, 12:51 AM
 
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The worst (funniest..kinda) is when you are ready to go to bed, walk into the bedroom and find your dog(s) assing your nice, freshly cleaned pillah cases. It's like "thanks" for warming that up for me buttmunch. What's with dogs sleeping with their legs up in the air anyway? Occasionally doing bicycle kicks?? Wonder if they're dreaming about running 'inverted'? I love my dogs man, so much character, so much work, but all worth it.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2004, 09:53 AM
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My dog doesn't get to sleep on the bed. She sleeps in the same room though and often wakes me up with snoring, barking and the like.
She tried to jump on the bed once or twice, but when I threw her off the bed one morning when I was half asleep, her head hit the nightstand. I didn't mean to do that to her, but she hasn't tried to jump on the bed since then.

-Mike
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2004, 10:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by cailin
i might as well share my embarrasing little story...

dante (the star of my avatar) loves to sleep in the bed and snuggle up next to you, but he tends to be rather restless. one particular night last year, i drifted off with dante's head next to mine. the next morning, i was just waking up and was in that half-in/half-out dream state, but i could sense that dante's head was still next to mine.

the calm was interrupted when my boyfriend asked, "what are you doing?"

"umm. cuddling with dante," i groggily replied.

"open your eyes," he laughed.

it turns out that dante had spun himself around in the middle of the night. i was indeed cuddling with dante...the ass end that is. nothing like waking up to your dog's pooper in your face.
if he's still around then thats definately unconditional love

Mike

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Hunt ethically - Hunt with a trained Retriever !
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-17-2004, 10:22 AM
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my old man had something similar happen to him. my dad fell asleep along with the dog laying on the couch while petting him on the head. He woke up petting the dog's doggie dick.

<---- Useless Mufugga
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