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post #1 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 03:07 PM Thread Starter
Make my day!!!!!
 
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New way of life!

This past week my wife left me. And she seems like she is not interested at all in trying to reconciliate. It isn't like I didn't see it coming or that it was a surprize. I am not even to sure I care. I do hurt all over but I don't think we could ever fix what was broken. I am sure this is one sided but our problems were because (in her words) "Your not emotional enough". If I knew what that was I might be able to fix it but she didn't want to tell me. I thought I treated her good. For example....

-Never said no if she wanted to do something (wasn't controling)
-would leave token gifts in her car at work (roses,cards,food,ect.)
-If I didn't have time to shovel the driveway I at least shoveled to her car.
-would bring small gifts home and said "it reminded me of you!"
-Occasional breakfast in bed.
-Would open doors (car, store, ect) alot but not always.
-If she asked me for help it would be done.
-of course there is the I love you and your ----- looks good.

I did other things but that would get to long. I am not sure what else I could of done. Maybe you ladies out there can give me some insight. I would hate to screw up the next relationship. On Monday I am going to be calling a lawyer to start the divorce proceedings and most likely bankruptcy.

The good news is I should have more time for riding. Wens night at BWW and strats this summer should be easier to make.

Living life! Because before you know it it is over!

Joe

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post #2 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 03:09 PM
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sorry to hear that Joe, bummer.

Chris
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post #3 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 03:33 PM
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Sorry to hear that. I hope that things turn out for the best.

-- Matthew --

"I'm just a simple man trying to make his way in the Universe" - Jango Fett
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post #4 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 03:36 PM
yo quiero su taco
 
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Sorry, bro. You can't fault yourself for being you. Try to move on and begin a new life. I wish you well.

"includes 10 used-car dealers or auto repair shops, 11 liquor stores and bars--two of which advertise lingerie fashion shows and a third billed as a "gentlemen's club"--three cut-rate motels and one trailer park. The squat, brick municipal building is next to a currency exchange and a few steps from an adult video store. The bars open at 10 a.m. and close at 6:30 a.m."

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post #5 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 03:58 PM
I'm always learning......
 
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Hang in there, Joe.

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And I said....."Look here brother, who you jiving with that cosmik debris? Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho? Zappa 1974
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post #6 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 04:05 PM
vroom vroom
 
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I'm sorry to hear that Joe . I hope that things work out the best for you, whether that means you two working things out or a divorce. I hope to see ya out riding this spring.

As for what you say about how your wife feels, sometimes people think that their relationship should make them happy when in fact it can't by itself. She might just expect miracles in a relationship and be looking for an excuse to blame you for it not happening. Then again, it could be just about anything.

-Mike
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post #7 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 04:09 PM
I want my two dollars...
 
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that's sad to hear...but keep your chin-up bro, better days will come along...

Matt
NESBA #347 "I"
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post #8 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 04:28 PM
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Sorry to hear.....try suggesting that you go for counselling together. If she won't go, go on your own, don't stew about what if's . Get counselling if only for your own piece of mind . Then you can start your life on a new page.
Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Sometimes, the longest journey begins with the first shift.
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post #9 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 04:48 PM
rider for life
 
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"You're not emotional enough"...how about maybe she was TOO emotional?

Life goes on.
There's more fish in the sea.
All things happen for a reason.
Time heals all wounds.
You weren't meant for eachother.
You grew apart.
You both had different goals in life.
You didn't communicate.
She has "issues".
We argued about money/kids/family.

Forget all the deep introspection and self analysis- go out and get yourself a kick-ass dirtbike!
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post #10 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 05:11 PM
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id like to say sorry for your relationship problems but im not gonna. this stuff is all part of life bro.
you know what they say!!!..."that which doesnt kill ya only makes you stronger".
whatever the outcome of this situation may be, just do your best to handle it like a man.
lookin forward to seein you out in the spring and good luck brotha!!

I am what I am, and I do what I do!!
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post #11 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 05:22 PM
rider for life
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by apex
"that which doesnt kill ya only makes you stronger".
Thank you. That was another cliche I forgot- any others?
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post #12 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-13-2005, 10:27 PM
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Good luck man, Ive heard the same shit, for me it was she was just making an excuse. She later told me that, now the guy that nocked her up left... Karma in action. Its a long road man, hang in there, in the end it will only be better!

Even heroes know when to be scared.
..As I shifted into 6th, I forgot every f'in thing she said..
Im a fuel injected suicide machine!
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I'd let him pee in my butt
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post #13 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 05:59 AM
Not fast but persistent!
 
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Keep your head up and try to stay busy. Good luck.

Its not how fast you get there,But the condition you arrive.
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post #14 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 07:09 AM
__________
 
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Dang, that sucks man. Keep your head up, you never know when "next" is gonna show her face!

I second the need for a dirtbike in your future!
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post #15 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 07:20 AM
Lovin this Twin
 
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Dang man didnt you just have a new baby ? You have a long road in front of you....Good luck!

This is gonna hurt!
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post #16 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 07:58 AM
Enjoying Life!!
 
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Joe you know we talked about this and hope the best for you whatever that may be. You know some of the shit I went thru 2 years ago and you know what? In the end it worked out great for me..I found someone who treats me ALOT better and we have so much in common sometimes is actually scary

What ever happens we are all here for ya..Need a beer, a ride, someone to chat with..Just say so


I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later!!
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post #17 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 08:01 AM
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Damn dude that blows. Like Apex, I'd like to say sorry but I ain't gonna. Some times life sucks like that but you can take the high road or the low road.

Just do your self a favor and take the high road. suck it up be a man and move on. Don't be like my father who still blames everything bad that ever happened to him in life on my mother because she devorced him 18 years ago. Or even worse, fall into a bottle that you can't climb out of!!!

Let her go and get on with your life. Hell go to Windsor, Canada for a week and you will be even greatfull she is gone!!!

I'M NOT COCKY, I'M JUST FASTER THAN YOU.
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post #18 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 08:35 AM
freaking newbies, man there slow, ha ha ha
 
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Sorry Joe. You presented a pretty good case on your behalf. I think she won't know what she's lost until she tries to replace you.

How are the kids handling it?
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post #19 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 08:41 AM
bwa
Boom
 
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I feel sorry for the kids... but you should just see it as an opportunity. Make the best of it and good luck.
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post #20 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 09:18 AM
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As most of you know I went through the same thing about a year ago. Unfortunately the only thing that helps this situation is time. I still do not understand everything that happened, how or why but I do not waste anymore time thinking about it. Plain and simple we let our lives grow in different directions instead of a united path… but of course there is always so much more than just that. It was hard to move on, but I have and it has made my life a lot easier. There are a lot of pitfalls that you can walk towards now, just try to stay centered and focused on goals such as making sure your finances are ok, and that your kids are protected as much as possible from it. I am sorry to hear this and hope it all works out for the best.

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post #21 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 09:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wingit
If I knew what that was I might be able to fix it but she didn't want to tell me.
Maybe!
  • You can only own what is your responsibility. Trying to take ownership of others' issues will only make you crazy.
  • Be careful listening to friends who take sides unless they are very familiar with the circumstances. Even then, it's your life, not theirs.
  • Don't make any sudden changes in lifestyle that you don't have to for 6 months to a year.
  • Consider a support group specializing in divorce for a while. It might not be your cup of tea, but it lends more in shared experience and ears less invested in outcomes.
  • I would not recommend trying to stay together without an agreement to seek professional help. It can really help to clarify the issues and discover whether it is correctable behavior or basic differences in needs and personality traits.

Dave
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post #22 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 10:05 AM
Ducatistanna
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BusaDave
Don't make any sudden changes in lifestyle that you don't have to for 6 months to a year.

Consider a support group specializing in divorce for a while. It might not be your cup of tea, but it lends more in shared experience and ears less invested in outcomes.

I would not recommend trying to stay together without an agreement to seek professional help. It can really help to clarify the issues and discover whether it is correctable behavior or basic differences in needs and personality traits.
Those are some good suggestions. Marriage WITH kids is serious business. You have an obligation to your family to your kids. I would hope that divorce would be the last resort for someone in your position. I would suggest counseling right away.

Four wheels move your body, two wheels move your soul

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post #23 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 11:20 AM
In memory, we miss you YTRAP
 
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Been there....My 1st wife left on our sons 1st birthday. He just turned 14. There were problems, biggest 1 is we were both young 19/20.

Vowed never again, most do.
Here I am now happily re-married 2 great little girls and couldnt ask for more.


Things usually happen for a reason.
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post #24 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 11:23 AM
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Went through the same exact thing two tears ago. We divorced and my life is way better. I found some one who loves to do the same things I do. Keep your head up. Try councelling. Remember there are people out there who care.
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post #25 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 11:39 AM
Please attend carefully..
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VIVID1
Those are some good suggestions. Marriage WITH kids is serious business. You have an obligation to your family to your kids. I would hope that divorce would be the last resort for someone in your position. I would suggest counseling right away.
Joe,

Although I'm not in your position, but if I ever were, and kids were involved, I'd have the attorney try to accuse her of abandonment so that she'd get minimal out of this - including minimal visitation rights. Maybe the prospect of that will cause her to come to her senses and maybe take reconciliation more seriously.

"Stupidity is also a gift of God, but one mustn't misuse it." - JP2

"Life is just a place where we spend time between games" - former Philadelphia Flyers coach Fred Shero

"everyone's a nutjob, some just have more restraint than others" - EndlessRR
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post #26 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 12:38 PM
Curb your dogma.
 
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Went through it about a year ago, although I didn't have the complications of children in the divorce. I learned one very important thing about trying to make things work; be prepared to compromise, but never compromise yourself. Her explanation sounds like to me. I don't mean to plant any ideas in your head, (guess i'm gonna anyway) but you might want to look into a private investigator is she chooses not to try and work things out. If she is f'n around on you, proof will help you in court. Best of luck to you and your kids.

Phily
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post #27 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 12:41 PM
freaking newbies, man there slow, ha ha ha
 
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Bummer, sucks to hear it bro.
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post #28 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 12:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Norseman82
Although I'm not in your position, but if I ever were, and kids were involved, I'd have the attorney try to accuse her of abandonment so that she'd get minimal out of this - including minimal visitation rights. Maybe the prospect of that will cause her to come to her senses and maybe take reconciliation more seriously.
I hope you would have given some consideration to whether this approach was in the best interest of the children. The outcome of such a hostile approach may not be what you expect.

Dave
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post #29 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 01:53 PM
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I'd try coucelling first. Remember your heart is broken. Which really sucks too. It feels like the end of the earth. It's not. Please just don't drag the kids into it. It will make them feel like it's their fault. It's not. If she doesn't want to reconcile after councelling, try to get along with her for the most part. Your kids are the most important thing right now. My ex and I are friendly towards each other. Sure we have are moments. But the only thing we have in common now is the kids. My kids are happy just to see me. That makes me the most happy.

P.S. Don't go looking for anything to pin her on. It hurts worse and you don't want to know. Trust me.
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post #30 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-14-2005, 02:35 PM
vroom vroom
 
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With all this talk of counseling, I just have one thing to add: Even if she doesn't want to try counseling, get some for yourself. It can help a lot, and health insurance pays for it too so it won't run you broke. You can go see those EAP people at work for a referral if you don't know where to go.

-Mike
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